TIP 7: Mirror an F-Brain clients’ words and language to build rapport. Watch out for them using up precious coaching time with divergent stories.
TIP 8: Consider booking M-brain clients in the morning when they are more likely to share.
2. Watching faces
Oxytocin primes Barbara’s F-brain to perceive apparent boredom as listening, care or passiveness. She will believe that you are interested, even when you are not. By contrast, vasopressin primes Kenneth’s M-brain to perceive apparent boredom as anger, hostility or offishness and he will respond accordingly.
TIP 9: Summarise what you hear your F-brain client say and what you believe it means. Allow for clarification.
TIP 10: Stay focussed, present, attentive and engaged with your M-brain client and if you see unwarranted hostility, explore it.
3. Emotion and problem solving
When Barbara’s F-Brain is faced with a problem her mirror neurons switch on and keep emoting, empathising and staying connected. Oestrogen and oxytocin switch on her facial response system, magnifying and mirroring what she observes. When Kenneth’s M-brain is faced with a problem his mirror neurons activate to acquire and recognise a “target”. Then his temporal parietal junction (TPJ) activates to fix the problem. Testosterone and vasopressin switch off his facial response.
TIP 11: F-brain clients respond well to coaching presence and empathy. Don’t try to solve or fix problems, let them work it out.
TIP 12: If you pose your M-brain client with a problem they may appear to switch off – but they are probably coming up with a solution to the question you asked. Leave space.
4. Social symmetry
Barbara’s F-brain is not consciously aware of hierarchy or status. She tracks her social connection and group belonging. Kenneth’s M-brain is primed to find the lead or “alpha” position, calculate his own position and then fight against, submit to, or flee from the dominant one.
TIP 13: Your F-brain client will subconsciously measure belonging in the coaching relationship. Rapport building is imperative in the early sessions. Be wary of co-dependence and set clear boundaries.
TIP 14: Take a position of equal social status to your M-brain client and not in a sub-ordinate position. Dress for authority and position the chairs as equals. Calibrate your rapport and test whether you can lead them.
5. Fear
Barbara’s F-brain registers fear as general anxiety, allowing her to exercise pre-frontal self-control and decision making under stress. The price she pays is a heightened emotional reaction. Kenneth’s M-brain registers fear more strongly in the brain stem and amygdala. Under stress or threat these take over the decision making process and will respond with freeze, flight or fight response.
TIP 15: Avoid overwhelming your F-Brain client with a bombardment of questions. Use emotionally charged questions sparingly.
TIP 16: Remove any overt threats in the environment and use confrontation (and why questions) carefully with your M-brain clients.
Summary
Men and women have different physiology, biochemistry and a spectrum of neurology from F-Brain to M-brain, each with its own nuances. Coaches should understand these in order to work with the individual more effectively.
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