The coach, operating from an Expert mindset had focused on the skill and tasks needed to succeed as a parent. He was encouraging me, as with strengths- based coaching, to build on what I am good at. Nothing wrong with that – except that it missed what was really going on for me. I had a deep, not fully recognized, desire to contribute to something much bigger than myself that channeled the same level of passion and commitment that came through in my parenting. He missed that entirely in his view of me.
Parenting to me was (and still is) a form of spiritual practice that I dearly wanted to continue in some way after the car- pooling stage of my life was complete. It was almost painful not to be seen for this and to instead be seen only from the coach’s worldview. This feeling though invisible to my coach during our interaction, led to a breakdown in trust and credibility between us.
Coaches also risk “over-coaching” with their clients. It is easy to assume a client is at a later stage of development and sense-making than fits with their actual stage. Coaches at the Individualist-Pluralist stage may easily embrace failure and shadow and see that both are integral to success. client, however, may find it not only unnerving, but downright dangerous to do as the Individualist-Pluralist suggests and share their own failures and fears with their team in order to build trust.Download Article 1K Club