Narcissism is usually framed as a defect of the individual personality—an overwhelming and ultimately-debilitating obsession with one’s self—a deadly fixation on one’s reflection in the pond. Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman have taken a step forward in suggesting that narcissism can also be found in a family system. They have traced out the impact of this systemic narcissism on the development of emotional disorders and in the treatment of adults who come to see psychotherapists. If Donaldson-Pressman and Pressman are accurate in their extension of narcissism to this systemic level, then it would seem appropriate to speak even more broadly of a narcissistic organization, and to apply Donaldson-Pressman and Pressman’s many insights to the narcissistic dynamics of an organization.
Characteristics of the Narcissist
While Donaldson-Pressman and Pressman are focusing on the family system, they do have a few things to say initially about the narcissistic personality. I will use some of my own language to describe three different categories of narcissism – building on the descriptions offered by Donaldson-Pressman and Pressman.
The Flagrant (Overt) Narcissist
This is the person who is always talking about themselves and engaging in activities that brings attention to them. Their apparent “love” for other people is actually love reflected back onto them. The flagrant narcissist directs attention to other people only when they know that this attention will be reciprocated and intensified in the other person’s attention to the narcissist. (Donaldson-Pressman and Pressman beautifully and poignantly references the important and tragic role played by Echo in the original Narcissus myth.) There is a commonly voiced observation concerning this reflected love. It goes something like this: the most beautiful and compelling people in the world are those who are in love with (or at least are attracted to) us.
The Closet (Covert) Narcissist
Many of us belong in this second category. The closet narcissist is always (or often) worried about whether or not sufficient attention is being paid to him—but is embarrassed to acknowledge this concern or at least has the good sense not to share this concern with other people (other than his therapist or coach). As part of her own social learning, the closet narcissist finds ways to indirectly draw attention to herself—often by asking such scintillating and “caring” questions of other people that she gains the admiration (and attention) of not only the person to whom she is attended, but also other people observing the socially-skillful behavior this closet narcissist is exhibiting. The closet narcissism also seeks to satisfy his closet narcissism by out-performing other people in the classroom, on the dance floor, in the church choir or in the kitchen. He is not obviously competitive and certainly doesn’t “crow” when he is declared better than other people—but he savors the moment and can never seem to get enough praise (though he overtly dismisses this praise or seeks to share it when received: “oh shucks that was nothing . . . and didn’t Susan do a wonderful job too!)
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