How comfortable do you feel five minutes before a coaching session? How do you feel if it doesn’t go as planned? Are you comfortable enough to invite ALL of your friends and colleagues to experience a coaching session with you?
These are some of the questions I ask myself even after 15 years of coaching! Working toward my MCC has breathed new life into my understanding of what coaching presence is and how we can continually develop it.
If you don’t like your answers to these questions, the problem could be all in your head – or as we coaches say – in your perspective. Just as we support our clients to distinguish a perspective and re-frame it, I invite you to do the same. You will know when you have made the mental shift, because you will feel free to coach anyone.
First, you will need to find the perspective you are currently using so that you can then re-frame it. If you feel anxious about coaching, try to identify the messages that are going on in your head that are leading to this anxiety.
Here are some examples:
• I MUST convince them I’m worthwhile and worthy.
• I MUST keep them as a client.
• If I don’t know what to say I’ll look stupid.
• I’m a fraud (they may think I am one).
• This client is counting on me! What if I let them down?
• I don’t know enough yet. One day I’ll be a good coach.
• I really hope I impress this person with my coaching.
This last one is especially common. Notice how much attention there is on YOU and how you come across, instead of focusing on your client and what’s best for them. This hinders coaching presence and, in turn, the success of the session.
The following are examples of re-framed perspectives that empower coaches:
• The client must live their life. I’ll support them in the best way I can
• The client gets the credit for the work they do, and is also responsible for their own actions
• I create value simply by being there, being present
• Every session is an exploration of possibilities
• How can I be of service in every moment?
• I respect myself as a human being and as a coach. I know I’ll do the best I can.
• I trust that whatever happens with each client is for the best
With a perspective shift! Now you can be more present in the moment and show up as a masterful coach.
So how do you build your coaching presence muscles?
Here are a few ways to consider:
1. Practice observation. Become more mindful with the use of meditation practices, e.g. focusing on breathing.
2. Develop self-awareness. By paying attention to ourselves in the coaching relationship we can become aware of things that get in the way of being fully present and work to address them. This requires a practice of self-reflection as well.
3. Supervision. This is key to developing and sustaining presence. Regular supervision by a masterful coach helps us understand when and how we are present and how to deepen this in our practice. We have the benefit of regular and objective feedback.
4. Grounding and centering your body. Unless we are grounded and fully settled in our bodies we cannot truly be present and achieve a kind of flow. Somatic practices such as developing awareness of our bodies will help a coach become present.
5. Create an ideal coaching environment. This helps in the grounding process. Limited distractions, calming or focused artwork and a comfortable supportive chair can support our effort to be present and in flow.
A coach is always mindful of being fully present and engaged. It’s an on-going skill to develop – to be spacious in your listening and be in full connection with your client.
How will you know your coaching presence is growing in competency? What will you notice, experience or have?
This article was originally published on the International Coach Federation Blog.