There are 3 parts of a coaching relationship. One is the client’s relationship with self, the second is the coach’s relationship with self, and the third is the relationship in between the client and coach separate from each, and inclusive of, both. This article focuses on what self-relationship fundamentals contribute to successful outcomes for the client.
I propose that relationship with self and self-awareness are interchangeable. The degree to which one is self-aware is the degree to which one has a relationship with self. As awareness grows and changes, relationship with self deepens and expands. The following 3 statements represent my perspective based upon my experience.
1. The greater the client’s self awareness, the more likely the client’s success.
2. The greater the coach’s self-awareness, the more likely the coach’s success.
3. The greater the coach’s self-awareness, the more likely the client’s success.
As you peruse the 22 fundamentals below, you will recognize that without some of them, success is unlikely. Perhaps all are necessary. I am still in the question about this consideration. After you read the fundamentals of awareness I describe a scenario when I used these in coaching.
Have you ever had a client who enters coaching saying, “I want to maintain my status quo in all life areas. My life is perfect as it is. Coach me.” Unlikely. Clients come to create a future that is in some way, in some life areas, differs from their present reality. This means change.
Throughout my 25 years coaching and coach training, I have identified five fundamentals of self-awareness that can support or, if not available, can hinder success. These are: context, internal resources, external resources, momentum and impact. The following may be used as a diagnostic instrument, either for yourself or to use as a guide when speaking with a client.If any of these pieces is missing, the chance of change happening is diminished. For example: If one has the skills and supports and not enough time, progress will be difficult. If one is clear what needs to happen next and is not willing to risk, moving ahead will be challenging.
SELF AWARENESS ASSESSMENT
Context
• Vision – What is my grandest picture or dream or mission or vision?
• Competency – What are my strengths and skills?
• Commitment – How much do I really want this to happen? To what/who am I committed?
• Values – Why is this important to me?
• Knowledge/Wisdom – What do I know? What do I need to know?
Internal Resources
• Willing to risk – How much risk am I willing to take? What might be the consequences of taking this risk?
• Belief in self – Do I believe deep inside that I can do (or be) what I need to for this change to come about?
• Energy – How much energy can I allot to this? Do I know how to create more energy and preserve the energy I have?
• Self-Care – Am I familiar with ways to take care of myself during transition?
• Abilities – Do feel I possess all the abilities needed for this change? Or do I believe I can develop or learn these abilities?
• Beliefs that support intentions – What do I believe that will support me during this time?
• Awareness of being
External Resources
• Time – Do I have the available time? How can I adjust my priorities if needed?
• Money – What finances can I draw upon?
• Supports – Whom can I count on in my support system? What supports do I need to find?
• Environment – Is my environment conducive to this change? To what extent do I control the environment?
Momentum
• Clear about next action step – Do I know what to do first?
• Acknowledgment – What role does acknowledgment (of myself and from others) play in making continual progress?
• Developmental feedback – Am I open to receiving feedback and applying it?
Impact
• What is my payoff when I succeed?
• How do others benefit from my success?
• How far-reaching is the impact?
Example:
My client was a young, disciplined, energetic physician in business for three years. He desired to increase the size of his practice, yet he had a fear that the growing dissatisfaction among his over-worked staff would sabotage his success. I listened to his vision (to support more people in the community and region), his skills (marketing, resource allocation, organized and so on), his commitment (to excellent patient care and quality service), and as I went down the list we pulled out four that were missing and might hinder his success.
Context (commitment)
I had not heard anything about his commitment to staff, only to the population he was serving. That this fundamental was missing surprised him.
Internal Resources (being)
He appeared to be unaware of the importance of the ‘being’ side of himself and hence, also unaware of the importance of the quality of work life for his staff. This lack of awareness required several coaching conversations and he was pleased with the results. When he became gentler with his own expectations, his way of being also softened with his staff.
Internal Resources (beliefs)
He believed that everyone he hired would be like him, that is to say, organized, highly motivated and driven towards success. During coaching he began to see his staff with new eyes, adjusting his belief to recognize that people had different motivations, and each had a unique contribution to make.
Under Momentum (acknowledgment)
Once he recognized that acknowledging his staff was a critical success factor for his upcoming changes, staff discontent diminished. We explored further as to how he could acknowledge himself, (other than financially), heretofore a foreign concept.
External Resources and Impact were in place.
Once awareness and implications of the missing fundamentals were in place, he was ready to grow his business. And he did, successfully.