Interpersonal relationships are increasingly complex in our world of digital communication, volatile societal conditions, and the ongoing need (and desire) to connect with other people. The challenge of enhancing interpersonal relationships is particularly great for those involved in the helping professions—for they must address these concerns among their clients as the very nature of the helping role is itself changing as a result of these same complexities: digital interactions, volatile social settings and continuing (but often confusing) desires on the part of their client to be with other people and, at the same time, to find time alone.
Given this challenge, the editors of The Future of Coaching (in The Library of Professional Coaching) and The Future of Professional Psychology (in the The Library of Professional Psychology) have joined together in the production and publication of this set of documents concerning Interpersonal Relationships.
This thirty third issue of The Future of Coaching contains the following essays:
The Fundamental Elements of Interpersonal Relationships
An understanding of the fundamental elements of interpersonal relationships is essential to effective professional coaching. Two of these essential elements are disclosure and feedback. The Johari Window is among the most insightful and useful models of human interaction that focus on disclosure and feedback. A new book has been published that offers the first expanded version of the Johari Window. The New Johari Window provides fresh insights and useful concepts regarding human interaction. This book is available For Free as a digital download.
The Desire to Connect
Brennan-Nathan: New Career Anchor–Connection
The eight career anchors identified by Edgar Schein have often been of value when professional coaches work with their clients regarding what is most motivating for them in their work and life. The author of this essay indicates that she is puzzled. Schein’s eight anchors are not sufficient. “What is the central purpose of my work and life? What, above anything else, makes my work meaningful? When I reflected on my career and various jobs, I noted that the work and school environments where I thrived were ones where I felt deeply connected to my peers, my colleagues, my group and my clients.”
The Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships
This first in a series of five essays concerns the fundamental push and pull to be found in our orientation toward interpersonal relations. This push and pull is captured in part by Carl Jung’s two personality types [Extraversion and Introversion]. Insights for professional coaches can be gained by exploring this push and pull, and by noting the distinction between transactional and “autotelic” relationships.
Bergquist: Loneliness—Sociological Perspective
Professional coaches often have to address the issue of loneliness in the life of their clients. The role of social systems is considered in this essay. How do the institutions within which we operate contribute to our feelings of “being alone in a crowd”?
Bergquist: Loneliness—Psychological and Existential Perspective
This third essay examines loneliness from a psychological and existential perspective. “We are ‘wired’ to be with other people and are biologically “punished” for choosing otherwise. Yet not all people suffer from being alone. The condition of loneliness might not apply to them. Why is this the case?”
Bergquist: Social Construction
We construct social realities within our relationships with other people. It is critical for professional coaches to understand and appreciate this important constructive act.
What is the “glue” that holds us together in community and in relationship to one another given the forces in our society that seem to be pulling us apart. Societal coherence might provide this glue and is a social dynamic that professional coaches need to understand and appreciate.
Helping Relationships
Lou Breger I: The Case Study of Yael
Lou Breger II: The Case Study of Yael
A prominent therapist recounts his relationship with a client and how this relationship impacts on his own view of the world. There is much to be learned here by professional coaches as well as psychotherapists. [Note: we have provided the link to two commentaries on the Breger case.]
David Skibbins: Co-Active Coaching
David Skibbins is an early practitioner of co-active coaching–the coaching processes presented by Coach Training Institute. “As an experienced psychotherapist, Skibbins reflects not only on the nature of co-active coaching (the foundation of CTI practices), but also the shift for him from conducting psychotherapy to engaging in professional coaching.”
Marcia Reynolds: Coaching the Problem
A noted professional coach and author, Marcia Reynolds writes about coaching as a process of inquiry, not a series of questions. Excerpted from one of her books, Reynolds observers that: “The intent of inquiry is not to find solutions but to provoke critical thinking about our own thoughts. Inquiry helps the people being coached discern gaps in their logic, evaluate their beliefs, and clarify fears and desires affecting their choices. Solutions emerge when thoughts are rearranged and expanded. Statements that prompt us to look inside our brains are reflective.”
Paul Lawrence: Keeping an Eye on the Goal
One of the many insightful essays about coaching that is offered by Paul Lawrence concerns the process through which goals are agreed at the beginning of an assignment, form the focus of coaching for several months thereafter, and are assessed at the end of the assignment. “In this paper we report the outcome of research into the life of some real-life goals and consider the implications for best (coaching) practice.”
Cory Colton: Reframing the Circumstance
Helpful advice is offered in this essay regarding what is needed to simply reframe a client’s circumstances. The same goes for coaches and their own personal reframing. “The quality of life is not determined by the circumstances…it is determined by our presence!”
Judith Blank: Coaching Intricate Minds
Consideration is given in this essay to emotionally intense and deep thinking clients. “Regular-length coaching sessions may make them feel like they were only able to ‘scratch the surface.’ Other implications, however, go beyond the how-tos and require a deeper understanding of the complex inner processes of gifted and highly sensitive individuals and their intricate minds.”
Intimate Relationships
While professional coaches are not marital therapists, they need a full appreciation of the complex relationships that play a central role in the life of their clients (as well as in their own life). “What is the nature of enduring love–and how do we find this type of love? “Most books about couples are written by those doing couples therapy and are based on the assumption that successful couples are doing whatever the couples in therapy are not doing. Love Lingers Here is based instead on interviews with more than 70 couples who have been together for many years (averaging 20 plus years together).” This book is available For Free as a digital download.
New Perspectives on Interpersonal Relationships
Richard Lim: Quantum and Caring
This cutting-edge essay concerns the way in which an understanding of quantum science can lead us to consider how all interpersonal relationships are interdependent and interconnected. The process of working with our clients is essentially a deeply relational experience. This can be a big problem if we view ourselves as somehow independent of our coaching client.
We hope you find these essays to be instructive on behalf of your work as a professional coach in our dynamic mid-21st Century world of interpersonal relationships.
Co-Curator
William Bergquist, Ph.D.