There are certain wise teachings, learned over the years, that have stayed with me and added significantly to my life. They’ve also provided me with hope and strength when most needed.
Just one example is Jim Rohn’s (1930-2009) famous, “They just do” and his follow-up phrase, “one of the mysteries of life.” This comes in very handy when upset over the negative actions of certain people.
For example, you find out someone with whom you’ve done a business transaction lied to you. You are understandably very upset and even begin personalizing it.
You might even ask yourself, “why did he do that to me?” This typically leads to the big question…”why do people like him lie?”
Mr. Rohn’s answer was, “they just do.” “He’s a liar. Liars lie. He’s simply doing what liars do.” He would then add, “It’s one of the mysteries of life.”
Reframing a situation from something personal — or something you must analytically figure out — to “they just do” and “it’s one of the mysteries of life” can save a ton of headache, heartache, self-doubt, and mental torture that will lead to nowhere productive.
Don’t Misconstrue This with Passivity
Please don’t confuse this with not taking action to protect yourself from people who do bad things or, if/when appropriate, rectifying the situation after it’s happened. Not at all.
However, the major lesson I received from Mr. Rohn is to not let certain mysteries of life drive me insane trying to find a reason for something that is beyond my comprehension.
As a coach, you have clients who simply don’t do what you know (and THEY know) they need to do, even though it’s obvious that not doing it is extremely counter-productive to both their business and sense of happiness. Why don’t they do it then? Who knows? They just don’t. It’s one of the mysteries of life.
As a certain point where attempting to understand something we cannot reasonably expect to understand crosses over the line into “driving ourselves bananas.”
For those human beings such as I who — by our very nature — can drive ourselves crazy by doing exactly that (and, admittedly, used to do so), Mr. Rohn’s sage advice can be a huge difference-maker, both in terms of personal effectiveness and peace of mind.
Another Terrific Lesson
Nearly 20 years ago, a friend gave me a book entitled, Illusions, by Richard Bach. I had LOVED his book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, so was totally fired up to read this one, as well.
The tale of Richard being mentored by Donald Shimoda was indeed compelling and filled with golden wisdom throughout. Re-reading the book recently for the first time and seeing all the highlights I’d made and notes I’d written brought back great memories.
What was THE gem, though? What did he write that had such a profound effect and made such a huge difference for me?
In the Epilogue, Richard is still grieving over the death (actually, murder) of his friend, Donald. Admitting he has lived the scene 1000 time over in his mind and hoping it would somehow change, he asked himself…
“What was I supposed to learn that day?”
WOW! Now, admittedly, this already fit my belief that there is a reason for everything that happens, even if I don’t understand (and perhaps never will understand) what that reason is. In other words, it wasn’t something I had to struggle in order to accept. Based on the premise that there is a reason for everything, then, logically, it follows there must be a lesson in it.
Richard’s question made me aware of this and inspired me to consciously ask myself, “What is the lesson? What am I supposed to learn from this?” after an uncomfortable event.
And, like Mr. Rohn’s advice, this question has added hugely to my growth and effectiveness.
Oh, I still don’t always know the answer. In fact, I’m pretty sure most of the time I don’t, perhaps even when I think I do. But, the quest for understanding has been its own benefit. And, doesn’t wisdom begin when we begin to ask the right questions?
What do you think of the advice from Mr. Rohn and Mr. Bach? Is this wisdom you feel could make a difference to the lives of you and your clients, as well?