By Cinnie Noble
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What Is Conflict Management Coaching?
As defined in the Introduction, conflict management coaching, also
known as conflict coaching, is a one-on-one process in which a trained coach helps individuals gain increased competence and confidence to manage and engage in their interpersonal conflicts and disputes. It is a goal-oriented and future-focused process chat concentrates on assisting clients to reach their specific conflict management objectives.
There are many reasons chat people seek, or are referred co, conflict
management coaching. Some real-life examples follow.
Manny and Cleo have worked on the same team for two
years, and they constantly disagree on various aspects of joint
projects. Manny, who wants to apply to be a Team Leader,
realizes he needs to figure out better ways of working with
Cleo and to manage conflict more effectively, in general. He
acknowledges a tendency to become defensive when anyone
disputes his ideas, and he wants to be more adept at engaging
with co-workers when differences of opinion arise.
One of the things Hilda hates about her new job as a manager
is performance reviews. There are two staff members whom
she finds combative at the best of times. Whenever she gives
them feedback, Hilda expects a backlash. She went to a course
recently on performance management, and though she learned
a lot of theory and practiced role plays, Hilda wants more help
with her specific challenges and her general fear of conflict.
Khalid and Jenna attended a mediation a few weeks ago
regarding several issues that they were unable to resolve together
in their work unit. They seemed to come to agreement
about those matters. However, the two have not spoken since.
Jenna acknowledges that she resents Khalid for initiating the
mediation, and believes she did not handle herself as well as
she could have. She knows she is generally not resilient when
it comes to conflict. Jenna wants to overcome this trait and
also apologize to Khalid for some things she said. She prefers
to do so without involving anyone else.
Whether or not clients’ conflicts are workplace-related, their goals
in coaching fall under several general themes:
• To explore what, if anything, to do about a dispute that has
already occurred.
• To consider the most appropriate strategies and approaches in
managing a conflict that is currently in progress.
• To prepare for a one-on-one interaction, for example, a
performance review, disciplinary conversation or other situation
that is expected to be challenging.
• To consider how to approach a situation that could escalate
into an unnecessary argument.
• To prepare for presenting a topic to a group that is likely to
engender adverse reactions.
• To talk out thoughts and feelings about a fractious situation.
• To examine the choices and solutions that may be feasible for
resolving issues that are in dispute.
• To prepare for mediation or another process such as negotiation,
arbitration, trial, grievance, collaborative law or group
facilitation.
The stages of the CINERGY™ model and how it helps clients
achieve goals such as those are described in Chapter 4. The theoretical and
practical underpinnings that ground the model’s philosophy and
operation are described below.
The Pillar of Coaching
The first use of the word “coaching” in the organizational context goes
back to I 937. 1 Since chat time, much research and many books and
articles have documented the evolution of this field. Coaching has a rich
heritage based on the theory and principles of many areas of study and
practice, including adult learning, psychotherapy, the self-help movement,
leadership, social systems, Eastern philosophy, hope theory, communications,
training, change and risk management, neuroscience, psychology
and appreciative inquiry. There are different types of coaching, such
as executive/leadership, organizational, business and life coaching, and
many sub-specialties, of which conflict management coaching is one.
Coaching is a field that has steadily grown as a method for helping
people who are striving to optimize their potential. It is rooted in the
premise that we have the ability to reach goals beyond our current
measure of achievement. Coaching helps people stretch themselves in
different ways to reach objectives that enhance and give new direction
and meaning to their personal and professional lives. It is a practice
that operates on the basis chat people who seek or are referred to
coaching have the ability to access the information, knowledge, resources
and wisdom to make changes, to choose different actions and
to shift habits that are not working for them.
There are many definitions of coaching. The following extracts are
from the International Coach Federation (ICF):
Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking
and creative process that inspires chem to maximize their personal
and professional potential. 2
Coaching is an ongoing relationship which focuses on clients
taking action toward the realization of their visions, goals or
desires.3
Coaching is a transformative process for personal and professional
awareness, discovery and growth. 4
The Association for Coaching (AC), another international organization,
defines coaching as
[a] collaborative solution-focused, results-oriented and systematic
process in which the coach facilitates the enhancement of
work performance, life experience, self-directed learning and
personal growth of the coachee. 5
How Does Coaching Work?
Coaching is a results-oriented process that helps clients work through
any challenges to achieving change, including their self-limiting beliefs.
To perform the coaching role effectively, coaches create a nurturing
and safe environment. Together with each client, they co-create the
coaching relationship.
Coaches follow either a specific or a general model chat guides che
process, aimed at moving clients along a continuum from where they
are to where they want to be. This is done by way of an informal dialogue
within which coaches ask clients strategic questions aimed at
increasing their self-awareness. Coaches acknowledge clients’ situations,
provide observations and challenge them to move out of their comfort
zones co reach their goals. They offer clients inspiration, motivation,
support and feedback to facilitate their success. They also stay attuned
to whether clients are remaining accountable to expend the time,
energy and effort needed to progress and reach their objectives.
Many professional coaches, including those trained in the
CINERGY™ model, do not provide clients with strategies, advice or
opinions. Rather, they help chem cap into their own inner resources
and intuition, trusting that clients are the authority on their decisions
and are responsible for their own actions. The philosophy of the International
Coach Federation resonates with the CINERGY™ model:
Coaching honors the client as the expert in his/her life and
work and believes that every client is creative, resourceful,
and whole. Standing on this foundation, the coach’s responsibility
is to:
• Discover, clarify, and align with what the client wants
to achieve;
• Encourage client self-discovery;
• Elicit client-generated solutions and strategies; and
• Hold the client responsible and accountable. 6
Why Does Coaching Work?
Coaching works for many reasons:
• Coaches honor self-determination as a fundamental principle.
This increases clients’ abilities to explore their own instincts,
insights and wisdom, and is inspiring and motivating for
people who aim to make changes in their lives.
• Coaching requires a collaborative and purposeful relationship.
This in and of itself inspires clients to experience that their
journey is not a solitary one. Knowing that someone is
supporting them along the way is energizing and comforting
for clients.
• The synergy that develops between che coach and client as the
relationship gains trust and strength creates positive energy
and optimism, increasing clients’ creativity and motivation.
• As new and different realizations emerge, clients gain momentum.
These insights and learnings inspire even more expansive
chinking.
• Being accountable for their own progress stretches clients to
do the requisite work to reach their goals.
Although coaching is becoming increasingly well known, people
still often ask how it compares with ocher human services, such as
consulting, mentoring, psychotherapy and counseling. Readers who
want more information on how these services compare can refer to
Appendix I.
Further principles from the field of coaching that informed the
development of the CINERGY™ model include the following:
• Coaches focus on strengths rather than weaknesses-on the
positive and not the negative.
• Coaches are facilitative change agents who serve their clients’
posmve interests.
• Coaches remain aware of clients’ individual cultures, contexts
and environments, and work within these.
The Pillar of Alternative Dispute Resolution
The second pillar of the CINERGY™ model derives from Alternative
Dispute Resolution (ADR), specifically, the technique of mediation.
Mediation is a process in which an impartial facilitator (the mediator)
manages the discussions and negotiations between or among two or
more people. Depending on the type of mediation and the orientation
of the mediator, the practitioner’s role is to help disputants resolve
their issues, reconcile the breakdown of their relationship or reach
other outcomes chat the parties identify.
Over the past 30 years, mediation has steadily emerged as a common,
useful and conciliatory mechanism in a range of contexts. The
techniques in this field evolved from, among other things, a need to
find more expedient, less costly and more collaborative ways to help
people resolve their disputes other than through the courts (in ocher
words, an “alternative” to legal proceedings). The acronym ADR has
also been defined as “Appropriate” Dispute Resolution. That is, disputing
parties may choose, from among a range of possible methods,
the one or ones suitable for them and their conflict situation.
Other ADR mechanisms include facilitation, conciliation, ombudsmen,
restorative justice processes, peer review panels, arbitration
and collaborative law. Conflict management coaching is a relatively
new addition to the wide spectrum of techniques in the ADR field.
Three more real-life scenarios further distinguish mediation and
conflict management coaching. In these situations, the people involved
may benefit from coaching, mediation or both. Chapter 6
explains how these processes may be done separately or in tandem.
Karen was promoted to a management position six months
ago. In the past month, three staff members complained to
her boss Ted, saying Karen’s micromanagement style was
stifling them and that she argues with them when they ask
for more voice on a number of matters. Ted conveyed this
information to Karen, who reacted strongly, pointing out
various bad habits that her staff members demonstrate, requiring
her to “manage them tightly.” A disagreement with
Ted on the topic of management styles ensued. Karen left the
meeting in a huff, and is now concerned that her response to
her boss was career-limiting.
George and Luis are co-workers who have not gotten along
well since they began working together a year ago. Communication
between them has been deteriorating over the
past few weeks, and George realizes that the tension is having
a huge impact on him. He now dreads going to work. George
shared his concerns with two co-workers whom he trusts.
One co-worker suggested mediation. The other suggested
George see a conflict management coach.
Both Brian and Janice asked to be the lead on their company’s
new project, AND their boss decided to appoint them as coleaders.
This situation has resulted in much tension between
them. Initially, Janice and Brian both made an effort to work
out their differences to help the project succeed. However,
they are now openly arguing, and their colleagues are beginning
to take sides. Janice is ignoring Brian, who does not
want to go to the boss about this situation.
Which method should these disputants choose-conflict management
coaching or mediation?
Coaches reading the above scenarios are likely to consider the
advantages of individual coaching; mediators will likely suggest that
mediation would provide a forum for both parties to resolve their
differences together.
Either of these two methods-mediation or coaching-may be a
viable option in the above scenarios. However, Karen may not like the
idea of having a mediator assist her and her boss, and neither may her
boss. Karen may prefer coaching on how co initiate and structure a
conversation with Ted to rectify matters between them. She may also
want to work on regulating her emotions, which typically escalate to
her detriment when she perceives she is being criticized. Additionally,
she may want some coaching on how to improve her management
style to avoid similar problems with her staff in the future.
George may want the opportunity to talk with a coach to figure out
what is happening between him and Luis without a third party’s assistance.
He may decide to continue with coaching if he wants to manage
the situation himself On the other hand, he might like the idea of
their manager or a mediator facilitating a dialogue between them.
Brian may seek individual assistance to consider the best approach
for improving communication between Janice and himself Because
he does not want to involve their boss, coaching may suit him more.
When two people are aware there is a dispute between them and
they are both willing to resolve things together with the assistance of
a third party, mediation is a useful technique that is offered in many
workplaces and other contexts. However, coaching may be preferred
in the following circumstances:
• One or more of the disputants wants to gain the knowledge,
skills and ability to manage situations by him- or herself.
• One or both of the disputants does not want to have a third
party involved.
• Animosity between the parties is high and there is limited, if
any, willingness to work together.
• The parties have disparate objectives regarding the outcome
of mediation, which may frustrate or even exacerbate matters.
• One of the disputants is embarrassed or ashamed about the
conflict and does not want to engage in a process that may
make others in the organization aware of the discord-for
instance, the manager, the person or department that coordinates
the mediation, and so on.
• Although mediation is meant to be informal, it is not always
experienced as such. In a workplace dispute, some clients may
consider mediation a more formal process than is necessary
for what they want to achieve. Others do not want minutes
of settlement or a filing of any sort in their personnel records
(if it is the organization’s practice to keep related records in
employees’ files) .
• Mediation is premised on the parties’ voluntary participation,
but some people may perceive that their attendance is mandatory.
Any related resistance adds another layer to the conflict
dynamic.
• One party is concerned that raising and resolving issues in
mediation will create retaliatory and other negative outcomes.
• One disputant resists facing a manager or another staff
member in a higher position where a power imbalance exists
between the parties. Similarly, an employee may consider that
initiating mediation with a manager or other authority figure
would be inappropriate, for cultural or other reasons.
Experienced mediators work through many of the above circumstances
on a regular basis. However, when given the choice, some people
consider conflict management coaching to be a more appropriate process
for what they wish to achieve. Readers wanting more information
about the differences and similarities between mediation and conflict
management coaching may refer to Appendix II. Chapter 6 will discuss
how these two processes may work together.
Different Types of Mediation
There are many different forms of mediation. Principles from five of
them, described below, are relevant to the CINERGY™ model.
Interest-Based Mediation
The approach of interest-based negotiation and mediation is primarily
problem-solving. The mediator’s role is to foster a cooperative forum
and help the disputants achieve resolution of their issues. The practitioner
engages the parties to identify and explore what it is they want,
to generate options and, generally, to discuss settlement terms that
meer mutually acceprable objective criteria. Though the CINERGY™
model is least connected to the principles of this approach, several
concepts from this type of mediation have some relevance and are
briefly summarized here. They are based on Roger Fisher’s and William
Ury’s book Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving ln 7:
• In the course of mediation, the facilitator asks the parties to
identify what they want as a resolution. This outcome represents
their positions. The facilitator then takes the disputants’
stated positions further by having them focus on why they are
important for them. This approach helps the parties identify
their hopes, expectations and underlying needs, which represent
their interests. Interest-based mediation aims at uncovering
the motivating force behind disputants’ stated positions. The
theory and practice here is that parries are better able to brainstorm
a range of settlement options that are complementary
and will advance their respective interests.
• People typically mediate and negotiate their differences with
the intention of producing better results than they might
otherwise obtain. If they are unaware of the results they risk
through unsuccessful negotiations, they may enter into an
agreement that they would be better off rejecting. On the
other hand, they may reject an agreement that they would be
better off accepting. This component of the interest-based
process supports the idea that disputants consider their best
alternative if negotiations break down before rejecting or
accepting a resolution. The acronym BATNA (Best Alternative
To a Negotiated Agreement) derives from this principle.
The CINERGY™ model does not necessarily aim at resolving the
client’s differences with another, as settlement of specific issues may
not be the objective for seeking coaching. In fact, a client’s desired
outcome may not be compatible with what the other person wants.
For instance, a person’s objective in coaching may be to gain assistance
in initiating a conversation with a friend with whom he or she is always
in conflict about ending their relationship. The model does, however,
help individuals explore what is important to them with respect to
what they want to achieve and why. It also assists clients to consider
their options for reaching their desired outcomes. The above components,
and others relating to interest-based processes, also have a place,
in the coaching model when clients are exploring issues in preparation
for mediation, negotiation or other ADR techniques.
Transformative Mediation
Concepts from Transformative Mediation referred to here are from
books by Robert A. Baruch Bush and Joseph P. Folger-The Promise
of Mediation: Responding to Conflict Through Empowerment and Recognition
and The Promise of Mediation: The Transformative Approach to
Conflict. 8 The following paragraph, from the latter text, reflects the
basic theory of Transformative Mediation, which is also inherent in
the CINERGY™ model:
This transformational potential stems from mediation’s capacity
to generate two important effects, empowerment and
recognition. In simplest terms, empowerment means the restoration
to individuals of a sense of their own value and
strength and their own capacity to handle life’s problems.
Recognition means the evocation in individuals of acknowledgement
and empathy for the situation and problems of
others. When both of these processes are held central in the
practice of mediation, parties are helped co use conflicts as
opportunities for moral growth, and the transformational
potential of mediation is realized.9
Here are some further principles from the transformative framework
of Bush and Folger that also apply in the CINERGY™ model:
• Human beings are fundamentally social and desire constructive
interaction. (This point of view underpins social constructionism,
a sociological theory of knowledge.)
• Conflict represents a relational crisis that destabilizes people.
As a result, they act and interact in ways that produce unproductive
and destructive dynamics.
• People in conflict have the capacity co change the quality of
their interactions and regenerate their relationships and
communication, in constructive ways.
• It is up to the people in conflict to identify and clarify their
goals. The outcomes are also their responsibility.
Facilitators take an optimistic view of the disputants’ motives
and competence.
• Facilitators are responsive to the emotional expression of
people in conflict.
• Exploring the parties’ uncertainties ultimately helps them to
dispel their confusion.
Though not all concepts from the Transformative Mediation
framework are applicable to the CINERGYTM model, the above points
illustrate a number of shared philosophical and practical underpinnings.
Narrative Mediation
The principles that follow are based on the book Narrative Mediation:
A New Approach to Conflict Resolution by John Winslade and Gerald
Monk. 10 This approach, like the transformative process just described,
also has its roots in social constructionism and similarly departs from
the traditional interest-based approaches for resolving disputes.
Narrative Mediation facilitators encourage disputants to gain
understanding about their conflicts through discovering their shared
social and cultural narratives. This form of mediation concentrates on
the importance of building a new story of the disputing parties’ relationship
that is not compatible with their conflict stories. Some principles
from the Narrative Mediation framework that are relevant to
the CINERGY™ model follow:
• The facts of the stories that each person brings to the forum
are not the focus.
• Strategic questioning serves to probe the deeper meaning
expressed by the disputants. By increasing their knowledge,
the parties have the opportunity to re-evaluate their initial
perspectives and explore other possibilities.
• Deconstructing and reconstructing conflict situations are integral
steps for assisting people in re-scripting their conflict stories.
• Gaining perspective on the other person’s viewpoint is integral
to the process.
Insight Mediation
Another approach to discussing differences with the help of a thirdparty
facilitator is Insight Mediation, described in the book Transforming
Conflict Through Insight by Kenneth R. Melchin and Cheryl A.
Picard. 11 Insight Mediation is not so much focused on resolution as it
is on ensuring that the parties “engage in fair and fruitful conversations.”
12 The theory and practice reflect the view that value narratives
from our past give rise to feelings of threat that distort our understanding
of others. Those who practice this form of mediation invite
disputing parties to understand why this is so and to examine deeper
levels of their values and feelings.13 Facilitators also help the parties
de-link the perception that the other person’s cares and concerns are
necessarily a threat to their own.
Here are some other points from the insight approach that relate
to the CINERGY™ model:
• We are social beings and seek to understand ourselves and
others in relation to the traditions and various influences that
shape us.
• Our actions arise from our beliefs about how people should
engage with others.
• Insights into our values, cares and related threats have the
potential to shift the way we think and feel about our values
and the other person’s. Such shifts change how we view our
conflicts.
Solution-Focused Conflict Management
This type of conflict management process, as described by Fredrike
Bannink in her Handbook of Solution-FocusedC onflict Management,1 4
has its roots in solution-focused brief therapy. Several basic principles
in this practice also resound with the CINERGY™ model. These
include not dwelling extensively on past problems but rather, helping
clients investigate new forward-chinking possibilities. Like facilitators
of solution-focused processes, conflict management coaches develop effective questioning
skills to help clients explore their feelings and
gain insights and increased awareness.
Ocher concepts that share the premises of the CINERGY™
model include the following:
• Clients are the experts on themselves.
• Clients are able to move forward when they identify their
previous successes, including the ability to make changes and
recognize what is already working.
• Clients are expected to be accountable to cake action in chis
process.
• Understanding and acknowledging the other person’s perspective
is an important aspect of reconciling differences.
• Individualized goals, and the clients’ definition of success in
reaching them, are pivotal for measuring progress.
• Small, incremental changes are signs of progress.
These brief descriptions of principles from various approaches to
mediation and ADR reflect some aspects of the CINERGY™ model
of conflict management coaching. The methodology behind its framework
that emerged in the experiential study of the evolution of group
members’ conflicts and disputes is also supported by recent research
into the human brain. Some findings from this research form the third
pillar, to be discussed next.
The Pillar of Neuroscience
In an interdisciplinary field such as coaching-which, among other
things, is about people making changes in their lives-coaches are
learning a great deal from the advances in research relating to the
brain. Similarly, the ADR field has taken an interest in how neural
activity has an impact on emotions, decision-making, creativity and
so on.
The concept of interpersonal biology, as described by Daniel
Siegel, 15 joins cognitive neuroscience with psychotherapy and reflects a
focus on brain function and structure chat develop within the body
and in relation to other people. Social cognitive neuroscience 16 integrates
areas of research traditionally within the purview of social
psychology, such as attitude change and emotional regulation. However,
it uses methods usually employed by cognitive neuroscientists,
including functional brain imaging and neuropsychological analysis.
This part of the chapter considers findings from these areas of
study chat are relevant to the CINERGY™ model. The references here
merely touch upon the extensive research and work of many scientists,
academics and others who are expanding our knowledge about how
we can change our lives by better understanding our brains.
Focusing Attention
Focusing attention facilitates new thinking.
One recent and highly significant discovery is chat concentrated attention
and intention help to form new neural pathways that can
change the way we think and feel. Neuroplasticity refers to the property
of the brain that allows it to change itself. It springs from the root
words “neuro” for neurons (the nerve cells in the brain) and “plastic”
in the sense of being able to change and adapt. According to research,
people must first increase the “attention density” in specific circuits of
their brain before they can alter their patterns of chinking. Attention
density refers to the quality and quantity of the focus paid-a focus
chat brings into play the Quantum Zeno Effect, described as follows:
This [attention density] is a basic principle of quantum physics-
the rate of observation has marked measurable effects on
the phenomenon being observed. The Quantum Zeno Effect
for neuroscience application states that the mental act of focusing
attention holds in place brain circuits associated with
what is being focused on. If you pay enough attention to a
certain set of brain connections, it keeps this relevant circuitry
stable, open and dynamically alive, enabling it to eventually
becoming a part of the brain’s hard wiring. 17
In this regard, psychiatrist Jeffrey M. Schwartz states, “The power
is in the focus. Where we choose to put our attention changes our
brain and changes how we interact with the world.” 18 He and orhers
who have studied this concept have found that with enough attention
density-which requires repetition, focus and time-we ultimately
manifest what is needed to make the desired changes. We gain new
thoughts about what it is we intend to do, and these become part of
our neural circuitry, resulting in different ways of perceiving our
worlds. This phenomenon is known as self-directed neuroplasticity.
Based on related research, David Rock, a leader in the field of
human performance coaching, elaborates on this concept in his book
Your Brain at Work: “Looking out for your goal, you are more likely
to perceive information relating to it, which makes you feel positive,
because you feel chat the goal is going to happen, which makes you
look out for it more, and perceive more information, and so on.” 19
The implications for coaches working with clients who wane to
make changes in their lives is evident. Among other things, che coach’s
task is to keep clients focused on their goals and intentions. Asking
clients co name their objectives and intentions not only gives them a
sense of purpose. It also provides a focus for chem and for the coach
to facilitate self-directed neuroplasticity and measure progress and
change. The importance, then, of staying focused on goals and working
toward chem in a disciplined way cannot be overstated.
Further in this regard, if clients in conflict management coaching
concentrate on what went wrong rather than looking ahead with fresh
thinking, they stand to remain entrenched in a problem-saturated
mindset. Similarly, clients who lose their focus owing to internal or
external distractions, or who act contrary to their stated objective, can
lose the requisite attention density and reinforce old or alternative
patterns. 20
“Toward” Goals
“Toward” goals inspire forward movement.
A significant principle related to attention and intention is helping
clients to reach their objectives through “toward” goals. These are the
objectives on which clients focus their energies and seek to create new,
positive connections. Toward goals inspire the state of being curious,
open and interested, attitudes that are necessary for change, learning,
insight and creativity. There is inherent optimism in setting goals. And
when clients begin to take small steps to reach them, they typically
experience more clarity, a sense of accomplishment and enhanced
positivity.
In contrast, “away” goals might include considering what could
go wrong, a focus that activates negative emotions such as fear, anxiety
and uncertainty and can lead to avoidance. 21 According to Rock and
Page, “The trouble is, because problems come to mind so much easier
than solutions, people tend to set ‘away goals,’ and since problems are
more certain than unknown solutions, the brain naturally steers toward
certainty.” 22
Goal-setting works best if clients name their own objectives and
coaches support them to maintain their purpose and intention as
“toward” goals.
Helping Clients Gain Insights
Coaches help their clients gain insights into
themselves and the conflict dynamic.
Insights are those moments of clarity when something suddenly makes
sense. It has been said that “[a] n insight is a restructuring of information-
it’s seeing the same old thing in a completely new way.”23
Through strategic questioning and use of other skills, coaches help
clients to gain insights and self-awareness, qualities chat improve their
“mental maps”-how they perceive the world and feel about the issues
they are working on.
What leads clients co insights into their habitual patterns? This
topic is of great interest to coaches, who recognize that the experience
of expanded awareness inspires, excites and energizes clients to think
and feel differently about the issues they are exploring. New insights
and perspectives open up new possibilities, choices and opportunities.
But “people … experience the adrenaline-like rush of insight only if
they go through the process of making connections chemselves.”24
Author Jonah Lehrer refers to several other key features of insights.
Insights are typically preceded by an impasse or block. This is evident
in coaching when clients are still engaged in old ways of chinking and
feeling and are not yet ready or open to new ones. Another key feature
of insight is chat when a breakthrough occurs, people seem to move
instantaneously from impasse to “aha!” like a revelation, with an accompanying
feeling of cercaincy.25
Studies reveal that although insights appear to come out of nowhere,
the brain is usually preparing itself for a new awareness. Cognitive
neuroscientists Mark Jung-Beeman and John Kounios, who have individually
and together conducted a great deal of research on this subject,
discovered chat the insight process is an act of “cognitive deliberation.”
After the first “preparatory phase,” the brain begins looking for answers
(the “search phase”), during which period the cortex needs to relax
(“relaxation phase”). Ac these times, it is important to lee the mind
wander to be able co reflect and tap into the part of the brain from
where the insight comes (the right hemisphere). 26
The idea of focusing, yet also letting the mind wander, is supported
by related research by Jonathan Schooler and ochers who study
decision science. 27 In practice, it is evident chat clients often come to
new awareness between sessions when the seeds planted during the
coaching conversation germinate once their brains relax and their
minds wander. Similarly, when coaches quiet the space during coaching
sessions by silently listening, clients’ epiphanies often emerge as
they contemplate a question and think and feel their thoughts and
emotions.
Other related research from the fields of emotional intelligence
and positive psychology has found that a positive mood stimulates
optimism and increases ability to make decisions and solve problems
with insight, compared with people in negative moods. These findings
support the importance of coaches’ engendering optimism by creating
a positive working relationship with clients and using mindfulness and
ocher techniques to help quiet clients’ minds and help them focus. 28
Mindful Awareness
Mindful awareness improves the capacity
to regulate emotions, enhance patterns of
thinking and reduce negativity.
Mindfulness refers co being aware in che moment of what we are experiencing.
It has been described as “an experience rather than a
precisely defined abstract construct,” the key outcomes being “awareness
of the present, non-judgment and acceptance.” 29 Mindfulness has
also been characterized as “dispassionate, non-evaluative and sustained
moment to moment awareness of perceptible mental strategy and
process”30 and as comprising three elements: attention, purpose and
non-judgmenr.-” 1 Another definition refers co mindfulness as “the state
of awareness in which we are conscious of our feelings, thoughts and
habits of mind and able to let unhelpful ones go so chat they no longer
limit us.””2 Social psychologist Ellen Langer contrasts mindfulness to
the mindless state, in which we have rigid perspectives. In a mindful
state, one conscancly creates new categories, welcomes new information
and is open to different points of view or perspectives.-“-“A ll these
and many other descriptions of mindfulness are relevant to helping
clients develop a reflective mind that enables chem to focus and to
make their way through their conflicts.
One of the reported ways to embed new neural circuits is through
mindful meditation. According to neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas,
when we practice meditation, we notice our thoughts but do not let
them get “tangled up.” Rather, our brains “get better at making sense
of incoming emotional information without jumping to conclusions,
reacting out of old habits, or getting stuck in emotional dead-ends like
worry or grudges. It does the right stuff with that incoming information,
helping you to wisely tell the difference between what’s happening
in the moment, and what’s your ‘old stuff’ pulling your strings like
some predictable marionette.” Lucas adds chat “[y] our better-wired
brain can then allow you to perceive and respond to others in balanced,
mindful ways that support solid, healthy relationships.” 34
Also significant for coaches in this regard is the work of Daniel
Siegel, author of The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the
Cultivation of Well Being. Siegel describes this form of mindful awareness
as a way of enabling us to develop an attuned relationship with
ourselves and with others.-~5 He explains the concept of “attunement”
as focusing our attention on another and on our relationship with chat
person so that we can “harness neural circuitry that enables two people
‘to feel felt’ by each other.”.%
To help clients become attuned this way is an integral part of
coaching people through conflict. New awareness often evolves for
clients when coaches help them to bring some objectivity to their situation
and notice the nature of their thoughts and feelings.
Similar to the notion of mindfulness and the idea of observing
what is going on without being attached to it, coaches work with
clients to facilitate their ability to articulate the current reality of their
thinking, and also to step back and think about their thinking. This
approach gives people the opportunity to consider what is happening
for them in less reactive and more reflective ways.
With concentrated effort, then, there is significant potential for
facilitating the development of new, neural circuitry and for selfcorrecting
old habits. How mindfulness techniques may be integrated
into coaching is an ongoing dialogue among coaches and others who
incorporate chem into their practices and their own self-work. Conflict
management coaches commonly share techniques and che benefits of
mindful awareness with their clients.
Harnessing Clients’ Creativity
Coaches help clients harness their creativity
to be able to act upon their new insights.
Coaches apply a variety of techniques to help clients harness their
creativity. This ability enables clients to explore and express new and
different ways of chinking, doing, feeling and being. According to
psychologist Robert Epstein and his colleagues, there are four core
competencies of creative expression:
• Capturing our new ideas.
• Surrounding ourselves with interesting people and things.
• Challenging ourselves by cackling tough problems.
• Broadening our knowledge. 37
One way in which coaches help clients to cap into their creative
selves is by ensuring that they stay focused on their goals and chat they
capture and apply their insights. Coaches also challenge clients co
confront their conflicts directly and expand their awareness. They facilitate
this process through effective questions that encourage clients
to examine themselves, their situation and the other person from different
perspectives.
Changing the way we look at a problem-for example, by taking
another person’s perspective-can induce psychological distance, and
this distance in turn can lead to creative ways of addressing the problem.
38 Helping clients gain distance from their conflicts is an important
component of conflict management coaching.
Positive Reappraisal
Positive reappraisal facilitates a change in perspective.
Positive reappraisal is an active way of coping with stressful events
and is also a strategy for regulating emotions. It has been defined as
“a form of meaning-based coping,” an “adaptive process by which
stressful events are reconstrued as benign, valuable or beneficial. “39
Reappraisal, also known as recontextualizing or reframing, involves
re-examination of a situation to discover alternative and less threatening interpretations
Kevin Ochsner, a psychologist who studies the neuroscience of
reappraisal, states that “our emotional responses ultimately flow out
of our appraisals of the world and if we can shift those appraisals, we
shift our emotional responses.” 40 He adds that “the one thing you can
always do is control your interpretation of the meaning of the sicuation.
“41 James Gross, a leading expert on emotion regulation, refers
also to the fact that among our range of choices is a strategy co make
cognitive changes. 42
Reappraisal, however, cakes energy. We must first inhibit our current
way of thinking and then generate alternatives that we can hold
for a sufficient time to be able to decide which interpretation makes
more sense. Besides the required time, effort and focus, reappraisal
takes practice. 43
Acknowledging these realities, coaching offers clients a structured,
supported opportunity to concentrate their energies over a protracted
period. Over chis time, conflict management coaches, help clients reflect
on alternative ways of perceiving and experiencing their conflicts,
themselves and the other person.
These and other studies in neuroscience contribute to coaches’ and
clients’ understanding of what helps people on the journey to selfdiscovery,
so chat they can make decisions and move ahead in new and
different ways.
SUMMARY
• Clients come to conflict management coaching with the
objective of changing some aspect of their conflict behavior;
or, they may want to manage or resolve a dispute with
another person. The situation may be in the past, the
present or the anticipated future.
• The principles that support the CINERGY™ model of
conflict management coaching derive from the three pillars
of coaching, mediation and neuroscience. These foundational
components support clients in making the changes they seek.
• Although some practices and principles of mediation are
similar to those of the CINERGY™ model of conflict
management coaching, mediation and coaching are different
processes. The outcomes chat individual clients desire from
coaching are usually different from what two parties want
and expect when participating in mediation.
• The concepts that informed the development of the
CINERGY™ conflict management coaching model have
their roots in proven principles and practices. They resonate
for coaches, mediators, ombudsmen, HR professionals,
lawyers, psychologists, leaders, union representatives and
others who aim to help people optimize their potential for
successfully finding their way through conflict in their
personal and professional lives.
Notes
1. Linda J. Page, “Neurosocial Dynamics: Toward a Unique and Cohesive
Discipline for Organizational Coaching,” International Journal of
Coaching in Organizations 1 (2009): 104.
2. http: //www.coachfederarion.org/a bout-icf/e rhics-&-regularion /
icf-code-of-erhics.
http:/ /www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=22017845353.
4. http://www.certifiedcoach.org/ mission/ mission.html.
5. http:/ /www.associationforcoaching.com/ about/ about03 .htm.
6. http:/ /www.coachfederation.org/ find-a-coach/what-is-coaching.
7. Roger Fisher and William L. Ury, Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement
Without Giving In (New York: Penguin Books, 1981, revised 1991).
8. Robert A. Baruch Bush and Joseph P Folger, The Promise of Mediation:
Responding to Conflict Through Empowerment ,md Recognition (San
Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1994) and Robert A. Baruch Bush and Joseph
P Folger, The Promiseo f Mediation: The TransformativeA pproach to
Conflict (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2005).
9. Ibid., 2.
10. John Winslade and Gerald Monk, Narrative Mediation: A New
Approach to Conflict Resolution (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2000).
11. Kenneth R. Melchin and Cheryl A. Picard, Transforming Conflict
Through Insight (Toronto: University ofToronto Press, 2008).
12. Ibid., 79.
13. Ibid., 127.
14. Fredrike Bannink, Handbook of Solution-FocusedC onflictM anagement
(Cambridge, MA: Hegrefe Publishing, 2010), 20.
15. Daniel J. Siegel, The Mindfid Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the
Cultivation o/Well-Being (New York: WW Norton, 2007) and Daniel
J. Siegel, Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation (New
York: Bantam Books, 2010).
16. This field is also referred to as social-cognitive-affective neuroscience,
and much of the current research is reported in the journal Social
Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience.
17. David Rock, based on an interview with Jeffrey M. Schwartz, MD, “A
Brain-Based Approach ro Coaching,” International Journal of Coaching
in Organizations 4 (2006) (2): 36.
18. Ibid
19. David Rock, Your Brain at Work: Strategiefsa r OvercomingD istraction,
Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long (New York:
HarperCollins, 2009), 232.
20. David Rock and Linda J. Page, Coaching with the Brain in Mind·
Foundationsfa r Practice( Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2009), 185.
21. Ibid., 232, referring to work by James J. Barrell re: approach versus
avoidance, such as Donald D. Price and James J. Barrell, “Some General
Laws of Human Emotion: Interrelationships Between Intensities of
Desire, Expectations, and Emotional Feeling,” Journal of Personality 52
(2006)(4): 389-409.
22. Ibid., 232.
23. Jonah Lehrer, “The Eureka Hunt,” citing Earl Miller, The New Yorker
(July 28, 2008), 45.
24. David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz, “The Neuroscience of Leadership”
Strategy and Business, 43 (May 30, 2006): 8.
25. Jonah Lehrer, “The Eureka Hunt” The New Yorker (July 28, 2008), 40.
Some other related references: Jonah Lehrer, How We Decide (New
York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2009); A. Bechara, H. Damasio
and A. Damasio, “Emotions, Decision Making and the Orbitofrontal
Cortex,” Cerebral Cortex IO (2000) (3): 295-307.
26. Jonah Lehrer, “The Eureka Hunt” The New Yorker (July 28, 2008),
41-43.
27. Ibid., 43.
28. See, e.g., Peter J.D. Carnevale and Alice M. Isen, “The Influence of
Positive Affect and Visual Access on the Discovery of Integrative
Solutions in Bilateral Negotiation,” Organizational Behavior and
Human DecisionP rocesse3s7 (1986) (I): 7-8; Roger Fisher and Daniel
L. Shapiro, Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate (New York:
Penguin, 2005); Barbara L. Fredrickson, “The Role of Positive Emotions
in Positive Psychology: The Broaden-and-Build Theory of
Positive Emotions,” American Psychologis5t 6 (2001): 218-26; Daniel
Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (New York: Bantam Books, 1995);
and Michael Lewis and Jeannette M. Haviland-Jones, Handbook of
Emotions, 2nd ed. (New York: The Guilford Press, 2000), chapter 27:
“Positive Affect and Decision Making,” by Alice M. lsen, 417-35.
29. Y.Y. Tang and M.I. Posner, “The Neuroscience of Mindfulness,”
Neuroleadership journal I (2008): 33.
30. Craig Hassed, “Mindfulness, Wellbeing and Performance,” NeuroLeadershipJ
ournal l (2008): 58, with reference to P Grossman et al.,
journal of PsychosomatiRc esearch5 7 (2004): 35-43.
31. Jon Kabat-Zim, Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation
in Everyday Life (New York: Hyperion, 1994).