Gary Quehl and William Bergquist
I don’t feel I have sacrificed much by becoming as involved as I have. My terming off two nonprofit boards has helped to restore balance in my life. Senior Sage Leader
More than half of the 50 senior sages say there is no personal sacrifice in their civic engagements. For them, the benefits far out-weigh personal costs:
I really don’t feel I sacrifice anything. At least nothing that isn’t counterbalanced by the great rewards I receive.
Quite the opposite. I don’t feel my wife or I are sacrificing anything. We are being enrichment by our community involvements.
Right now I don’t feel like I sacrifice. Rather, my volunteer work feeds me. I went through a couple of marriages and had to choose between being who I am or being in the marriages. At this point in my life, my husband wholeheartedly supports what I do and is enthusiastic about it. It feeds me in so many ways. My kids are all grown now, and they’re proud of me, so it’s fine.
No. In fact, my involvements are more complementary to what I’m all about than a distraction. It has taken a little while for me to strike a good balance in my life, so I now have time for my hobbies and other interests.
Just the opposite. Getting involved in something I am passionate about has enriched my life. And it has better psychic benefits than saying, “Gee, I could have gone sailing but I had to attend this meeting.”
The short answer is no. If I were sacrificing anything that was really important to me, I wouldn’t do it. I keep a pretty careful boundary about what I will and will not do. I’m clear about that.
A small number of senior sages feel mixed about whether their civic activities involve personal sacrifice:
Anyone who gives freely of their time for volunteer work feels there is some sacrifice, but they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t think it was worth it. Sure, instead of volunteering 40-50 hours a month, I could be doing other things like lying on a lounge or reading a book. But that’s not the point, is it?
After retiring, I informed my wife that my first year was going to be given to enjoying our beautiful natural environment here. Then I acted on my belief that there was more to life than fishing and playing tennis and golf. So I got involved. I guess the only sacrifice I made was that I over-committed myself by getting involved in too many organizations at the same time. This was draining and prevented my wife and me from doing some of the leisure activities we had looked forward to all of our lives. My terming off two nonprofit boards has helped to restore balance in my life.
No, but I found at one point that one of my daughters resented my time spent with others and not being available to her.
Those senior sages admitting to personal sacrifice offer two reasons: time away from family and giving up personal things they love to do:
Yes I am sacrificing, and I am not happy about it. I am not getting as much time as I would like to watch my grandson grow-up. And I am not spending as much time with my husband or my horses as I would like. At the same time I am a problem-solver, and when I say I am going to do something I follow through and live-up to my commitments. That’s part of my values, of who I am.
Well, I haven’t been fishing much lately, and that bothers me. But seriously, I did sacrifice my family for my job during my career and paid dearly for it. Certainly my present wife believes I spend way too much time going to meetings and the like. She wants to travel a lot more while we still have our health, and I need to figure out how to find time to do this.
The Nature of Sacrifice I: Adjusting to a New Life
In most instances the senior sage leaders say their civic engagements don’t require sacrifice. Their lives are so structured that they find time for leisure activities, grandkids, the arts and, yes, civic engagement. They might occasionally complain that they don’t have time to do needle point or go fishing, or they may regret not spending more time with family members. Senior sages may have sacrificed income when moving to Grass Valley or Nevada City, but most often the sacrifice is not tied to their volunteer activities. In some cases, they simply may have continued with the “Type A” behavior of their youth by joining too many boards or taking on too many volunteer assignments. But they soon adjust and find a way to secure more balance in their lives. Even among those senior sages who are still working full or part-time, there is a thoughtful wedding of paid employment and civic engagement. As is the case with many of the emerging sage leaders, senior sages find time to gain both energy and direction through their volunteer work—and this easily transfers to the work they do for pay.
In many cases there is no feeling of sacrifice because the sage leader has a fair amount of “free time.” Or he or she is fortunate in having a supportive spouse and family who fully appreciate the meaning and satisfaction that the leader derives from voluntary civic activities; indeed, many spouses are themselves actively involved in civic endeavors. One of the senior sage leaders talks about going home after a day of volunteer work and engaging in an animated discussion with his spouse about “leadership strategies” in his favored civic organization: “What should I do next?” In this way, the spouse becomes engaged at least indirectly in the sagacious life of the partner.
The Nature of Sacrifice II: Letting Go
If there is sacrifice, it is sometimes framed not as a loss of personal time but as an inability to exert influence over the nonprofit organization they are serving. Senior sages realize at some point that they need to step back and let others assume formal leadership roles. They learn they have to “let go,” much as they had to do with their own children earlier in their lives. As grandparents, senior sage leaders can play with their grandchildren without having full responsibility for them. Similarly, senior sages can often participate actively in an organization without having to take full responsibility for its welfare—at least not to the extent if they were employed there full-time.
Alternatively, senior sages sometimes find they can’t let go because their favored organization is in crisis. Their inner standards won’t allow them to abandon the organization and their commitment to its welfare; they feel they have to remain actively involved, and often in its troubling minutia as well. This can lead to a real sense of sacrifice in the loss of family time and an increase in personal stress. As in the case of grandparents who find themselves in the difficult position of having to become parents to their grandchildren, senior sage leaders often find themselves in the untenable position of assuming full responsibility for the continuing existence of their favored nonprofit organization. Yet, they chose to do so because it is part of who they are as senior sages.
The Nature of Sacrifice III: Myth and Reality
Often it is people who are not engaged who perceive civic involvements as requiring great personal sacrifice. Such men and women may remain disengaged precisely because they don’t recognize that this type of “work” can be rewarding and a source of energy rather than a drain. If they do get involved in civic activities, it is sometimes out of a sense of duty or civic obligation, in which case there is often resentment—or their commitment is half-hearted and short-lived. This type of involvement is not healthy for the organization or for the person who is driven by “should” rather than a search for meaning work and joyful engagement with others.
For most senior sage leaders it is a matter of life-enhancement rather than sacrifice. The challenge is to get this point across to those who shy away from civic engagement because they are still holding onto the “myth of sacrifice.” Put another way, “How do you convince baby boomers who just left the workforce and are tired of fighting organizational battles that things can be different in the civic arena? That they can do new things, learn new skills and, yes, fight new battles—but on behalf of much worthier causes? How do you convince these men and women to work for personal gratification and community improvement rather than a paycheck? They must be convinced that they will get a “return on their investment” but they often don’t know ahead of time that the return is physical, mental, and spiritual in nature.
Unless burdened with repressive poverty, illness, or major family responsibilities, many seniors can make important contributions to the community if they think it through and become motivated. For those at the bottom of the social-economic rung, the issue of sacrifice is often reflected in whether they actually can become civically involved in the community; their need to scramble to stay alive and provide shelter, food, and clothing for family members and themselves may simply make significant civic engagements impossible. While one hopes this isn’t true—everyone has gifts they can share—sage leadership may mostly be a privilege of the middle and upper economic classes of American society.