The key to honoring Dolly Levi, and the key to most honoring and perhaps most Generativity Three acts, is the great joy that comes from doing the honoring. It is not just Dolly Levi who benefits from the generative actions. When we honor other people, we are also at least indirectly honoring ourselves. We are showing the honored person and often many other people that we are deeply caring people. We have baked a birthday cake that is greeted with great enthusiasm by everyone at the party. We write a poem or compose a song that praises our friend or colleague. It feels good to be creative or silly on behalf of someone else. We are offering something that is tangible and appreciated.
Conclusions
As we noted in the previous essay, Generativity Three is often about “paying it forward.” Now is a good time to say more about this motivator. “Paying it forward” exemplifies what is often referred to by behavioral scientists as social exchange. While a market exchange involves some form of financial transaction or bartering of service, a social exchange involves the anticipation of reciprocity. We are invited to our sister’s home for our brother-in-law’s birthday. An elaborate dinner will be prepared by our sister, and we can anticipate a special evening filled with sincere words and funny stories. We bring a gift and a couple of bottles of wine to the party. These offerings are expected. They are based on deeply embedded social norms. We could instead bring nothing, since there is no formal contract indicating what we should bring and how much our offerings should cost. Unfortunately, if we brought nothing, our sister and brother-in-law would be offended. They might not say anything, but we should expect a frosty reception at the next family gathering.
Or we could be practical and give our sister cash that is equivalent to the cost of a gift and wine. That would make our participation in this honorific event a market exchange rather than a social exchange. This act would probably be even more offensive than if we brought nothing. We have violated the social exchange norm. Our sister would probably wonder what she has done wrong to deserve such an inappropriate and “ugly” offer of cash. “Does my brother think we are broke and need a hand-out?” “Can’t he even spend the time to find one lousy gift and a good bottle of wine to go with the meal? After all, I spent all this time cooking the meal that he and his wife are about to eat!”
Download Article 1K Club
