He moves deeper by reflecting on a project engaged during his childhood:
“This cave closely resembled a “clubhouse” that my brother and I built as small boys living in Illinois. We dug a big hole in the ground and covered it with plywood. The clubhouse wasn’t very pleasant. It was very dirty and offered little light. It soon was filled with water and spiders; yet, for a brief period of time this clubhouse represented safety and a respite from our schoolwork and family responsibilities. It was an enduring image for me of a soulful presence in my life. Similarly, the cave in my dream represented safety and a reprise from the climb. The dream has taught me that I need to blend the spirit of the mountain and my climb up the mountain, with the soul work of the cave and ‘clubhouse.’”
Quiet Generativity: Finding Truth and Being Honest
As mature men and women, we must move beyond our dancing to tunes that other people are playing. If we are to be truly the guardians of values (Generativity Three), the mentors and motivators to other people (Generativity Two) and the advocates for and promoter of civic causes (Generativity Four), then we must discover that which does seem to be true and of value in a world that challenges both truth and veracity. We must move beyond getting by and fitting in. As one of our Sage leaders puts it regarding her own life:
“When I reflect on how I have changed over the years, the first thing that comes to mind is that when I was younger, I needed a title to make me feel that it was o.k. to be a leader. As I have gotten older, it’s just who I am. Take it or leave it. It’s probably not waiting to be empowered, it’s just being who I am – saying I can do that. People will either accept the help or they won’t. If they don’t, if the door doesn’t open, then that’s not the right place for me. It’s just knowing that.”
One of our Sage leaders describes her own transition away from personal ambition and power. She stated it this way:
“In thinking back over my work life, I have found I became less able to put a good face on things when I didn’t really want to. Earlier in my work I could do this because it helped me to nurture my career and advancement. If I had a bad boss, I could suck it up and live with it. And when I had a good boss, I’d enjoy being able to grow. So, I went through that phase of my career where I was able to be whatever I had to be, not just to get ahead but to get the job done. After I got into my 50s, however, I became less and less patient with bad leadership. It was a good thing I retired when I did at 55 because I don’t think I could have continued to put on a good face when it wasn’t warranted.”
Another of our Sage leaders came to a similar conclusion regarding the work he had been doing and what he now does:
“The same thing holds with my experiences in the nonprofit world. I often get to a point of frustration where I just say, “Screw it. The governance is so broken that I’m not going to bat my head against the wall anymore.” What this means is that I can be extremely effective in the right environment but no longer have any interest in putting on a good face in a lousy environment. I’d rather walk away from it and plant myself somewhere else.”
We must move beyond “being good IN the world” to a place of seeking to be “good FOR the world.” (Jones, 2020) The key is to somehow combine the spirit-ful caring that comes with engaging the world with agency, energy and vision, with the soul-ful caring that comes with persistent and often less-visible acts of communion and what we identified in an earlier essay as “quiet generativity”. A professional coach can assist us in finding or creating this combination. It is a matter of discernment between that which pulls us toward continual self-aggrandizement (a spirit-ful search toward best In the world) and that which pulls us toward a soul-ful being the best FOR the world. The Push (need for achievement) from our personally–ambitious side can be strong and compelling. A Discernment Coach can assist in drawing this often-elusive and delicate distinction—and supporting their client in working toward a greater good (Freedman and Bergquist, 2021).
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