The Nature of Deep Caring
Living in a world and society many centuries removed from our own, Plato offers us an important insight when suggesting that our fear of death is partially assuaged through generativity. He observed that we seek out multiple ways to be generative to ensure that we live beyond ourselves in at least one domain of our life. (Wakefield, 1998, pp. 152-163) Do we engage in good deeds, as Plato suggests, in order to be honored by other people and to be spoken of after our death as a person of integrity — a person who led a “good life.” In essence, are all (or most) of us pushed by an internal wish for immortality but also pulled by an external society-based incentive to be both ambitious (agency) and virtuous (communion)?
Are immortality and virtual intertwined. As Ernest Becker (1973, p. 11) suggests, do we seek to be heroic in our caring for other people and institutions as a means to deny or even defy death? In alignment with both Plato and Becker, Wakefield (1998, p. 163) offers the following straightforward observation about humankind:
“[I]t makes people happy to know that they will be admired after they are gone for the same reason that it makes them happy to know that they are admired while they are alive by people they have never met; in fact people just like to be admired, irrespective of where when or by whom.”
One of our Sage leaders offers an equally straightforward observation about the generative motive associated with aging:
“I think it was Justice Black of the US Supreme Court who said, “All of the rules of relevancy are simply related to a realistic acceptance of the concession of the shortness of life.” If we were going to live 300 years, we’d have plenty of time to endlessly talk things through. But as we get older, we’d like to see progress made on some things before we are sent to the crematorium or planted in the back 40 under a little stone. This isn’t a dress rehearsal, so let’s get on with it and see if we can really get something achieved.”
We respectfully suggest that Plato, Becker, Wakefield and our Sage leader are only partially right. We certainly seek a form of immortality through the good deeds that we perform in life and long for a linking remembrance as a good person who led a decent and caring life. There seems to be something more, however, to the search for soul through generativity. Living beyond ourselves seems to be something more than the desire for immortality. It seems, ultimately, to be about actions of deep caring that extend us in space and time beyond our current concerns and our current reality. We are pushed by our desire to care deeply and are pulled by society’s need for deep caring. We live beyond ourselves not only to outlive our self, but also to contribute in an extended and sustained manner to the welfare of our family, our community, and our world.
What then, in essence, is deep caring and how is it supported by professional coaching services?? We have proposed in this set of essays that deep caring, as manifest in an act of generativity, is about extending time and space. As coaches we can help guide this extension. Deep caring is more than a single act of generosity. As McAdams and his colleagues have proposed, deep caring and generativity are more than an orientation toward altruism: “Generativity, unlike simple altruism or general prosocial behavior, involves the creation of a product or legacy in one’s own image, a powerful extension of the self.” (McAdams, Hart and Maruna, 1998, p. 25)
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