NO! An Ontological Perspective

Coaches will often assist their coachees in respect to the freedom of saying NO, or living with their own reactions and emotions when others say NO to them. All is well and good in terms of a coachee being empowered to produce certain results in daily conversations at work or home. It’s great when psychologically we learn to live in our social environments with increased balance and harmony. However, most coaching and conversation about NO has been much too superficial; useful perhaps, for a specific result, but far from a permanent shift in how we are in our everyday world.

There is a point of view that goes deeper – our ontological perspective. What is happening from an ontological perspective with NO? That is, for humans, what is the being itself or the living spirit of NO? What can NO reveal about WHO WE ARE that perhaps is hidden and escapes us in our daily living?

It doesn’t really matter if most of us don’t remember the first time we screamed “NO!” at the top of our lungs. Nearly every child does it at some point. There are many psychological explanations that may vary from person to person, but those points of view have not made much of a difference, especially for the little person in the middle of that moment of high decibel expression. So what is NO all about? Is a child’s NO listened to for what it is, or do we prefer to shift our focus on various explanations for it? Perhaps those child development explanations are really superficial justifications that allow adults to avoid seeing something that is happening more profoundly.

Some will say that after every NO there lives a YES. Philosophically or poetically that might be a satisfying paradox or polarity to play with or explore, but the attention in the conversation then shifts to the relationship with YES instead of focusing on NO itself. NO is so difficult for some of us to stick with, to listen to, or to say! So what is NO all about? Let’s take a brief look.