It is indeed ironic (and often tragic) that those people who have the most power also have the least amount of freedom regarding choices to make in their life. George Orwell (2009) portrays this loss of freedom in his short story about the British officer who was the only person in their Indian community who had sufficient status and authority to kill an elephant who had done damage in his small village. While walking down the road to shoot the elephant, our leader pondered about his own “predestined” role as someone who must kill in order to preserve his status – does this remind us of Michael Corleone or King Arthur? We would suggest that professional coaching is of particular value for leaders of an organization or community precisely because they often not only face difficult decisions and must be clear about priorities, but also live with the seeming loss of personal freedom. The loss of “No” often attends the acquisition of power and status.
Given the generative drive to extend oneself and to establish important priorities, it is important for each of us to identify the areas in which we want to engage this extension and to enact cherished priorities. While Erik Erikson focused on one form of generativity (mentoring), we would suggest that there are at least four options and that each of these ways of being generative tends to some to the fore at different times in our life.
Four Ways to Be Generative
We express and experience generativity through the enactment of four different, though interrelated, deep caring roles.
Generativity One
First, there is the generativity that we experience as parents— even when our children are grown up and we are no longer their primary caretakers. Indeed, caring about our children does not fade away as we grow older; rather, it takes on a new form and is accompanied by the delight that comes with seeing our children succeed in their own lives and finding their own distinctive identity.
The expression of this first mode of generativity need not be limited to the care for children we have raised from birth. We all know of extraordinary men and women who have taken care of children via foster-care, adoption, or serving as a nurturing uncle or grandparent. One of our dear friends joined with his gay partner to raise a boy from a broken home—a dramatic example of this first type of generativity.
Generativity Two
Second, there is the generativity that comes with caring about young men and women who are not part of our immediate or extended family. This was the focus of Erik Erikson’s work. This type of generativity often is engaged when we are older and in a position of some power or influence in an organization. We care for the next generation of leaders or the next generation of craftsmen and artisans in our field. We often are generative in this second way through our role as mentors.
We run interference for younger people or for those who look up to us. We collaborate with them on projects, such as writing a book together with a newcomer in the field. We serve as role models that new people in our company emulate through job performance, personal values, and even lifestyle. We serve as mentors when we listen carefully to younger people talk about their problems and accomplishments. We serve as mentors when we encourage our protégés to take risks or to push beyond initial achievements. We sponsor younger people by inviting them into our world, our exclusive club or inner group.
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