Many ways in which to be a “parent” are available at all points in our life. We can be a parent not only to children and other people but also to ideas, subordinates, people we mentor, institutions, communities, and even cultures. Erik Erikson (Erikson, Erikson and Kivnick, 1986, p. 37) describes this expanding notion of generativity as “a vital strength of care [and as] a widening concern for what has been generated by love, necessity, or accident; it overcomes the ambivalence arising from irreversible obligation. Thus, [it] attends to the needs of all that has been generated.”
Coaching and the Two Faces of Generativity
At this point we wish to introduce yet another character in our dramatic enactments of Generativity. This character is the professional Coach. What if Michael Corleone had a coach to help him sort out his priorities. Such a scenarios seems unlikely—yet the lead figure in The Sopranos had a therapist—so why not a coach for another (fictitious) mafioso leader? Could Michael have benefited from someone to talk with about priorities and actions to be taken on behalf of his father and his family. As portrayed in many other televised series (such as Breaking Bad) there are often many small steps being taken that lead us to a hellish state of unethical behavior. What about when Michael returned from Sicily? Was there still time and space for a shift in his life and career pathway?
Perhaps there was no viable pathway for Michael Corleone other than embracing the life his father had led. Predestination is a common theme in theater. Yet, each of us is likely to be free enough to benefit from the guidance and support of a professional coach when making hard, thoughtful decisions regarding our own generative pathway to deep caring. We intend in this set of essays to provide some insights and guidelines regarding a generative pathway. These insights and guidelines are intended not just for professional coaches but also for those who are making the tough decisions regarding their own pathway—including the coaches who must grapple with the direction of their own personal pathway as not only a coach, but also a parent, mentor, partner and contributing member of an organization and community.
As a first step in providing insight and guidance, we identify two primary needs regarding generativity. We then introduce the four ways in which we engage generative, deep caring actions. First, we turn to the two needs
Extending Ourselves
First, generativity is about extending our presence and influence with our own children, with the next generation, with our heritage, and with our community. We become gardeners who tend the garden. We want the flowers, trees and plants to live long after we do and to represent, in some important and tangible way, the manner in which we make an appearance on this earth. We want the garden to reassure us and the world that we made a difference. This point was tenderly and melodramatically conveyed in both Lerner and Lowe’s Camelot and Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life.
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