Finding Essence in a VUCA-Plus World IV: Trust, Optimization and Polarity Management

Table One: S² Alarm Signals: Fear

Often our fears are of secondary importance when we feel a loss or find that a regret is lingering. However, it is often much easier to smother our losses and regrets because they reside deeply in our head and heart. The alarms associated with our fears are usually signaled in more obvious ways. Given the subtlety and depth of many feelings of loss and regret, it I particularly important that we pay attention to the signals that arise from the realization of these losses and growing power of our regrets.

At the heart of our sense of loss when stuck in S² is a vague (but powerful) sense of listlessness. Just as the label “curmudgeon” is often assigned to those who are old and rigid, so the label “listless” is often assigned to young adults who are trying to figure out who they really are. I am reminded of the scene in Rogers and Hammerstein’s movie about the State Fair. At the start of this movie, we hear Jeanne Crain sing about her own listlessness in the ballad “It Might as Well Be Spring.” She doesn’t know what is missing but does know that something has to change.

This same feeling seems to be apparent in the lives that many of us have led. It is particularly prevalent when we are going through a major life transition (Levinson, et. al., 1978; Levinson, 1997) or when we have realized some major life goal and are now waiting for a new one to appear. We have “confiscated” our future and have to build a new vision of that to which we aspire. We are “listless” in waiting for the new message to arrive and feel a loss of vitality without a clear goal to inspire us.

Then there are the regrets. They can eventually overshadow the fears and losses. While settled firmly for many years in our home, we find ourselves regretting never having left home. I return to Jimmie Stewart as he appears in It’s a Wonderful Life. Stewart is suffering from a mid-life crisis. Like many men and women who have settled into an S² life, Stewart is in deep despair over a life that may be “wonderful” but it is a life that is also filled with regret—to the extent that Stewart tries to take his life. Before he steps on the bridge (only to be rescued by a somewhat dysfunctional guardian angel), Stewart might have attended to his signal (restlessness) and done something about his regret (even if it is just to recreate some of the romantic scenes that Mary prepared earlies in their marriage).