An Example Coaching Conversation

The following is an actual coaching conversation between George (not his real name) and me, conducted in April 2021 via video conference. George is an HR business partner who supports several leaders within his organization. I have known and been working with George for the previous six months.

I have slightly edited the conversation for brevity and also made annotations to illustrate how Aletheia Coaching integrates memory reconsolidation. It is impossible to capture everything that unfolds in a coaching conversation in a transcript. There are pauses, especially as we work in real-time and let what arises unfold. I have indicated the most significant pauses, where significant inner shifts are occurring.

The transcript picks up the conversation after George and I checked in with each other and he briefly named the topic he wanted to focus on.

George:               There is a high level of stress from a lot of the leaders that I’m working with. They are feeling a lot of pressure. We’ve shifted to all working remotely in the past year. And this was an organization that had a lot of fun in the workplace and a lot of great strong connection time. There’s a lot less of that. There’s a lot more powering through now. And what triggered me earlier this week was a leader that I support who is burning out. I found myself going into rescuer mode, like I need to save him. I need to save all of these leaders that are burning out. And then I’m watching myself in the drama triangle being the rescuer.

Comment: He names the impediment he’s experiencing right now as a rescuer part that has been triggered at work. Responding as a rescuer in certain situations expresses his existing emotional learning. We are starting this conversation at the Depth of Parts and therefore practicing Parts Work.

Steve:                   What do you know about this rescuer part?

George:               This rescuer part is just out of breath, almost having a panic attack. Which is something I’ve had in the past. This part is saying, “I can’t, I just can’t, I can’t.” It’s trying to save everybody, but it also knows that it can’t, it also knows that it’s unable to.

Steve:                   What if you took a few deep breathes here? Can you be with this part for now?

Comment: He has contact with this part, it seems, and I am inviting him to be with it in real-time.

George:               [long pause with some deep breathing] It is starting to catch its breath. It is breathing with me. And I am starting to understand that it feels the need to rescue. That’s how this rescuer part feels valuable by saving other people by supporting other people.

Steve:                   This part tries to rescue others because it is really trying to help you feel valuable? Is that what you understand?