The Enneagram Two, Three, and Four cluster is oriented toward (and anticipates) the emotion of Shame. Individuals in this triad often feel unworthy of love, leading to image-consciousness and fear of judgment. This triad is also known as the heart triad. The heart triad makes decisions from their heart and emotions. Emotions are strongest felt in this triad. While these emotions can include respect, appreciation, success, and love, they also can include shame, sadness, and regret. A psyche battle may ensue between these positive feelings and the negative ones. All too often, the battle is won by the negative feelings. Behavior scientists have found that the avoidance of regret is stronger than the realization of success. We are much more concerned with somehow letting a great opportunity pass us by than we are anticipating the celebration of success.
Shame is an even stronger emotion. It will often dominate the somatic template and strongly influence the psychosocial template. First, it should be noted that shame is much more intimate than regret—or guilt. Unlike Regret, which concerns behavior we did or didn’t take, or Guilt, which is about our behavior and reactions to our behavior, Shame is about who we are. It is about permanent disconnection from other people. Shame is formed early in life, when we feel unwanted or unloved by significant others. One might feel Guilty about being dishonest with a friend or feel regret not telling a friend that we are sorry for our dishonesty.
However, even more deeply, we feel shame about being the kind of person who is inevitably dishonest with someone we care about. Shame concerns our essence. We feel embarrassed when we assume that we look bad in someone else’s eyes. Conversely, we feel ashamed because we think we are bad. We appear naked with all of our inherent badness showing through. There is an old adage that declares: “Which of us wouldn’t leave town if told that everything about us is about to be revealed?” Some of us might stick around; however, the Enneagram Twos, Threes, and Fours will go online to book a ticket out of town on a bus, train, or Uber that quickly takes them far away.
There is another important, compelling aspect of Shame. This is not only one of the most deeply felt emotions, shame is also physically painful. Neuropsychologists have found that shame impacts our body as if we have just been stabbed in the gut. This certainly is not a somatic experience that we wish to inflict on ourselves. Hence, Enneagram Twos, Threes, and Fours are particularly motivated to address anticipated shame by appeasing, achieving or fantasizing in a manner that blocks or diminishes this shame before it consumes our full heartfelt (and head-felt) attention.
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