Whatever the nature or size of the gift, the primary concern of the Enneagram Two will be directed toward the reaction of the gift’s recipient. Will the recipient be grateful? Beholding? Resentful? Skeptical? Will the recipient try to hide away from the Enneagram Two, believing that there is a “hook” embedded in the gift being given (there often is)? Will the recipient instead be seeking out the Enneagram Two, looking forward to receiving more gifts (or at least acknowledgement)? Even if there is a hook attached to the gift, the person who is hungry for attention and appreciation will stay attached to the Enneagram Two.
What happens to the psyche and somatic template of the Enneagram Two when they are anticipating a positive relationship with another person, and what happens when a negative outcome is anticipated? The positive outcome may be a statement of gratitude by the recipient of the gift or receipt of a reciprocal gift. The warmth associated with this anticipation is equivalent to that felt by the gambler when entering a casino. The Enneagram Two plays out the scenario of gratitude and shared gift-giving. They have high expectations—which means that they can be easily disappointed with the actual outcome of the interaction. They feel ‘hurt” (the stabbing feeling) or angry regarding the recipient’s “insensitivity” or “ingratitude.” There is often an escalation of gift-giving quantity and quality. The Enneagram Two tries to increase their own emotional “hit” by providing a bigger gift—and expecting a bigger gift in turn from the recipient (who might wonder if the escalation will ever end!).
In addition to the failure of a gift recipient to live up to Enneagram Two’s expectations, there is also the immediate anticipation of the upcoming interaction not going well. The “insensitive” and “ungrateful” recipient can be expected to continue operating in a cold manner. The Enneagram Two is either “required” by society, their job assignment, or the expectations of other people in their life, to act in a very “nice” manner to this &*^*&%&^* person. The gift is given with a sneer, is almost thrown at the recipient, or is given only after several awkward minutes. This anger-filled or hesitant display is often interpreted negatively by the recipient. In a self-fulfilling manner, the recipient is indeed not terribly grateful about receiving the gift, nor are they particularly “warm” in their interactions with the Enneagram Two.
The recipient might react in several other ways when confronted by Enneagram Two. They might feel patronized (the gift being primarily given to establish dominance). Instead, they might feel “put upon” (expected to deliver their own gift in return). As someone who feels little control over their relationship with an Enneagram Two, the recipient might even feel resentful of the Enneagram Two’s “intrusion” into their life.
Yet, with all of these potential negative anticipations and outcomes, Enneagram Two offers an invaluable service in most societies. They provide splendid service as a Flight Attendant or waiter. They ensure as committed social workers, diligent caregivers in senior living facilities, and owners of halfway houses. The service being rendered is “priceless,” and the gift of care and compassion is to be honored.
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