As a child, gravity wasn’t something I gave much thought to. When we’re learning how to walk I think we figure out pretty quickly that if we aren’t in balance, if we trip over something on our path or we’re in a new environment, chances are, we might fall. When we’re young, closer to the ground and perhaps a bit more fearless, we get back up and take another shot at it.
Later in school I learned about Sir Isaac Newton, learned about gravity, magnetic pull, inertia, the orbit patterns of planets, and the vastness of space. Although I found all these concepts and information interesting, I can’t say I thought deeply about them or the applications to my life. I did often lie back and watch the clouds cross the sky, and gaze into the night sky in sincere appreciation for the beauty of the moon and stars.
Then one day I experience the law of attraction and magnetic pull in a whole new way. I was 17 and a junior in high school. He was a senior in my Sports and Rec class and inexplicably, there was something drawing me to him. The pull was palpable and undeniable. We began our orbit as friends, and even though I was trying to keep us as such, this magnetic attraction was too strong. Often, as I took a step back to maintain my space, he would step in. Soon we started dating and although our paths were not clear at the time, they became more deeply intertwined. Unfortunately, the closer we became, the more our orbits synced, the more volatile he became. Along the way, the more I held him off, the more I tried to keep some distance, the less space I had. Soon, my space was his space, my path and orbit became so closely meshed with his that it was difficult to determine where I ended and where he began.
Several times along the way, I would create a plan to leave him and start putting that plan in action. It was then that I realized the full impact of gravity and inertia. It seemed impossible for me to create enough explosive thrust to release myself from his gravitational pull. He was determined to keep me, keep me isolated, keep me dependant, keep me believing I could not survive without the strength of his support and protection, and I would stay. I would resume my orbit around him and continue my attempts to ‘be a better girlfriend and wife’, try to make him happier, try to protect myself from his violent physical attacks without fighting back and defending myself, and try to pray harder that this nightmare would end or somehow magically get better. At the worst of times, at the loneliest of times, I would think of the futility of this situation. I felt powerless to stop this insane crash course we were on, hurtling through the vastness of space toward this deep, black hole in the distance. I felt like the smallest star in the sky on its way to burn out and death.
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