Relationships
Behind that friendly façade of competence and sociability there often lurks one very scared, emotionally exhausted, and in many cases angry resentful “accompanying” wife. – Robin Pascoe
One of the issues not mentioned in Company briefings, is the toll that moving to a new country can have on relationships. If a relationship is shaky before a move, it is less likely to survive on assignment. Even the most solid of relationships can take a battering overseas. Expat spouses usually have very few options to deal with their partner’s assignment abroad. They can either stay behind to continue life, as they know it or they can “trail” along. Both scenarios have their pros and cons.
In each case, expat assignments can make or break a relationship or marriage. As I mentioned earlier, in many cases, traveling spouses cannot pursue their own career while abroad and experience some restrictions on their personal freedom. Thus, spouses often face an identity crisis when they realize that they are losing their independence and status. Culture shock as well as the language barrier can make it hard for them to manage their lives the way they used to and even accomplish simple tasks.
As most spouses of assignees statistically still tend to be women, local and cultural traditions may have a strong effect on their personal lives as well. All this pressure on expats and their spouses is like a magnifying glass on a marriage. Underlying issues and disagreements will come to the forefront, and one will soon find out if the relationship can pass this crucial test.
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Maureen Morton
May 10, 2013 at 7:58 pm
Dear Karen
I found this article fascinating. I often wondered and marvelled at how you coped and were coping in those early years. To have remembered and written it down is so worth while and I hope it will go into the reading package of every new expat, wherever they are going.
I can also see a career blossoming for you, wherever you are, by introducing this concept, of providing a coach to expatriate spouses in the early days of their moves, to the Human resources manager of companies. You could certainly sell the idea on the basis of cost alone, when you think how much money they lose when an employee goes home early because the family cannot settle in a new country.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I really enjoyed reading it.
Nothing like the usual academic waffle
love and hugs
Maureen
Truth always
May 12, 2013 at 4:35 pm
Hey, Karen doesn’t mention here the really telling background story of how she came to be an expatriate, leaving her former policeman husband for her current one that’s a banker, with three kids under 10 at the time. Plenty of grey facts about whether it was adultry as well. Not sure I would recommend her services as a lifecoach. Amazing how some people re brand themselves so anyone needing marketing tips should follow her advice. Also one of her current family members seems to be leaving the positive notes. Karen as a lifecoach is the funniest thing I could ever imagine. Would be interesting to hear her guidance in ethics or family morals
e.curran
May 14, 2013 at 4:09 am
Truth always , isn’t it strange how people like you do not use their real name especially when they are leaving negative views, or just their side of a story.
vorameghana
May 30, 2013 at 2:55 am
Expatriate is very important, especially for those who travel to different countries for work purposes. Expatriate can be anyone which chooses to live in a country other than the motherland.http://www.whatisall.com/people/what-is-an-expatriate.html