XI. The Enduring Role of Generativity One as Leader and Grandparent

Men also have an opportunity to “reboot” their role as grandparents—especially given the proclivity of mature men to become more interpersonally-oriented during mid-life. This portrayal of men as re-booters and re-molders of their own parenting style when becoming grandparents is reaffirmed by Dan, the first Featured Player in our generativity story. In reflecting on his life as a grandparent, he says:

Regarding grand parenting, I see myself having a very different role. My oldest grandchild is 13 and the youngest is two. As a grandparent, I don’t have nearly the impact on shaping their young lives because I don’t have the same responsibility that their parents have. Sometimes I observe some of their parenting and say to myself, “I wouldn’t do it that way.” But I never say this to them, nor do I pass judgment on how they parent their children. I see them engaging in a healthier parenting role than I did with them.

Grand parenting for me involves lots of story-telling. I tell stories about my childhood, including some of my experiences that were very difficult for me as a youngster. One time I told a story when our entire family was together. It was about a major flood that occurred in 1955 when I was 17. It was awful, and a number of people died. One of my grandchildren drew a picture of the story, and it brought back a bunch of memories that I hadn’t thought about for a long time. My daughters had never heard this entire story before. What came out was my deep expression of feelings, and this moved them and me.

Like Peter Faulk in The Princes Bride and many other grandparents, Dan becomes a story-teller for his grandchildren. As with many grandparents, Dan also becomes a temporary parent—a role that is common in many traditional societies where multiple generations live in the same home or complex:

As a grandparent, I see my role as a care-giver and a protector in many ways. When their parents are away and my grandkids are with my wife and me, I become a temporary parent. And “temporary” is a very important word. I am their guardian and take that role very responsibly. When my grandkids were very young, and we were taking care of them, I used to ask, “Aren’t you ready for a nap now, because I need a break?” This reflects my view that we are blessed because we don’t actually have children at our age.