XI. The Enduring Role of Generativity One as Leader and Grandparent

I . . . grand parented my grandson, Bart, for a couple of years in my home while my mother was having health problems. The day my grandson was born I asked myself whether there was a “special grandmother love,” because I had learned when my own child was born that I had a special kind of love I never knew existed—until I experienced it. I see grandparent love as very much like being a parent, but it is “sweeter” because I didn’t have the same responsibility as when I was a parent. When my grandson lived with me, that sweetness began to change because I had become a parent again. Bart said to me one day, “Ga Ga” you’re different.” We sat down and talked about this, and I explained that the things I let slide couldn’t be allowed any more. He understood this.

Now that my grandson is in high school, I am no longer his playmate—although he did ask me this summer to join his Dungeons and Dragons group; he asked if I would be “the healer,” which I thought was very sweet and perceptive of him. I was happy to see that he thought I could fulfill that role successfully.

For Lisa, the necessitated Generativity One required a change in her anticipated style and role of grand parenting, but this change also led to some gratifying moments. As in all moments of Generativity, we discover that deep caring produces a sense of meaning and a sense that we can make a difference in the lives of people about whom we care, and for whom we have been assigned or have embraced a care-giving responsibility.

Unfortunately, not every grandparent has had the Generativity One opportunity that we have witnessed with Dan and Lisa. In many cases, given our highly mobile society, the children and grandchildren have moved elsewhere. The grand parenting occasions are often infrequent and even awkward, given the lack of sufficient time for grandparents and grandchildren to establish a trusting and easy relationship. Sally, the third Featured Player, is one of two main characters in our generativity play who faces this struggle as a grandparent living at a distance from her grandchildren. For Sally, the role of grandmother has changed over the years as a result of her own retirement and more free time, and as a result of the shifting residence of her now grown grandkids:

Regarding our role as a grandparents, my husband and I have not had the kind of close, intimate relationship that many of our friends have. Our son’s two daughters lived in Seattle. We worked full time in San Diego and missed the young grand parenting stage with them. For a variety of reasons, early grand parenting simply never happened. At this point in our lives, my husband and I are now in more of a grand parenting role. I have a lovely relationship with my granddaughter, who lives in San Francisco. Our other granddaughter is attending Boston University. In both cases, we converse by texting and phone and see them during holidays.