Third, it is important to recall that the role of a coach does not include exploring the initial source of any emotion. The coach is not a therapist! She is not in the business of somehow “correcting” the emotion; rather, she is in the business of helping her client manage the emotion as it has been elicited in the present situation. This “at-the-moment” managing of emotions can be just as beneficial as an in-depth analysis of the emotions’ etiology.
Stress Ruts
We establish “stress ruts” when exposed repeatedly to real or imagined threats. These ruts are grooved deeper with each stressful event and lead to permanent structural changes in our nervous/hormonal systems. We become increasingly vulnerable (“trigger happy”) to stress. “Trigger-happy” somatic templates dominate the polystatic process. Anticipatory reactions are warped and focused on events and people out in the world who can justify our emotional reactions: “That damned Gregory always gets on my nerves!” “I know that this meeting would be a complete waste of my time!” Most importantly, we must acknowledge that stress-ruts do not go away over time. Permanent links are established between our prefrontal cortex and our limbic system. We must avoid establishing these strong links rather than assuming that these links will go away or that some drug (alcohol, tobacco, tranquilizer) will provide a stress-related roadblock.
How might a coach assist her client in identifying and even seeking to avoid or reduce the impact of these stress ruts? First, the coach can encourage his client to reduce the number of stress-producing events in her life. Obviously, this is not a simple assignment. The stress is often associated with a client’s job. As a coach, one can at least suggest that a client set aside their work when at home, take more frequent vacations, or plan for more “coffee breaks” (preferably drinking something other than heavily caffeinated coffee).
It is important to keep in mind the possibility that one’s client might be addicted to the “high” that comes from successfully confronting a stressful event—or even (like the gambler) anticipating this success. When addicted to one’s own adrenaline, there is a painful process of withdrawal that can be just as severe as that experienced by someone withdrawing from alcohol or an opiate. The withdrawal from one’s own adrenaline will often be manifested as depression or unregulated anger toward other people or toward one’s job. As a coach, we can assist our client in anticipating that this withdrawal can occur when they reduce their exposure to stressful situation. It is not unusual, for instance, for an “addicted” workaholic to experience depression rather than relief when finally taking a vacation or spending a weekend with their kids.
Second, as a coach we can encourage our client to engage in activities that help to “burn off” the neurochemicals that have been activated by the stress. Physical exercise is often the best vehicle for this “burn off.” Third, there are activities to be engaged that reduce stress impact more gently. These include medication and other forms of mindfulness, as well as a stroll through the park with a dear friend or spending time playing with one’s own child or a grandchild.
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