Emotions
I begin this exploration of the third dimension of anticipation by providing another brief case study regarding one of my coaching clients (with certain facts again being altered to preserve anonymity).
My client was the head of the major division of a large law firm. His division had been an independent, very successful firm for many years, but was bought up by a much larger national law firm. He has difficult relations with the head of the large firm and often fiercely defends the remaining independence of his own firm.
He struggles with the “insanity” of his position in the law firm—feeling caught between loyalties to his division and “demanded” loyalties to the firm that owns the business. To find some “sanity”, John spends one day each week as a “real” lawyer. He is an internationally-renowned expert in a particular area of the law and finds it gratifying to still make use of this expertise—at least for one day a week. Unfortunately, the one-day-a-week commitment always requires that he spends extra hours at night and on the weekend responding to the demands of his administrative job.
As we talk, my client often looks wistfully at a large picture of a sailboat that he owns, which is hanging on the wall behind his administrative desk. John often speaks about the absence of time for sailing this cherished vessel.
John is married to a woman who holds a very high political position in their community. He talks about the inability of the two of them to go out for a drink at a bar in their community, for fear of what other people will say. The two of them are often invited to public events but must “behave themselves” at these events. John and his wife decided several years ago that they needed to buy a condominium in a city located many miles from their community. They anticipated that an occasional visit to this condo would enable both of them to “loosen up” and enjoy some freedom in their life. Unfortunately, they have found very little time to visit their “sanctuary” since they purchased it. Perhaps, it was a “silly” idea and simply a decision based on exhaustion rather than rationality.
John tells me that he greatly appreciates our sessions, for he has no one else to talk with about the “personal matter” he shared with me. Such matters as the consideration of retirement from his administrative position and fighting for the return of his division to independent status. He can’t talk with his wife about potential retirement because this would disrupt everything in their life (her salary as a public official is surprisingly low). He certainly can’t talk with other people in his office or with anyone in the main office about his dreams regarding “corporate revolution.”
I gently share with John something we know about the psychologically based challenges of leadership. We know that assumptions regarding the motives and abilities of leaders are increasingly devoid of reality, the higher one’s position in an organization (Kernberg). As I shall note shortly, this pull toward leadership-based distortions relates to a psychological dynamic called Projection. I also tell John about the loss of freedom that comes with increasing power and authority. I convey an insightful story written by George Orwell (2009). This story concerns the requirement that a British officer in India shoot an Elephant that is doing damage in the village where he serves as an administrator.
Walking down the road to kill the elephant, our officer reflects on his own strong desire not to kill this magnificent beast, as well as the requirement that he engage this regretful act in order to preserve his authority in the village. We pay a great price for our power. John can anticipate that there will be strong negative reactions if he varies his administrative practices very much to make these practices more gratifying for him or make him more successful as an administrator. Even if people around John might wish for these reforms, they are likely to find it hard to make the adjustments. Perhaps “everyone” wants John to change, but “nobody” wants John to change.
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