According to Cavell, the portrayal of remarriage in Hollywood always occurs among rich people–who have the “luxury” of reflection and dialogue. The remarriage is scripted in a specific manner. First of all, there is a running quarrel which is forcing apart two people who in some sense view themselves as people representing a much larger and eternal struggle between men and women. In the midst of this ongoing (in some sense everlasting) quarrel, these two people confront the challenge and risk of examining their relationship in some depth and experimenting with an alternative mode of relationship. This examination requires that the two people leave one another for a period of time. There is often a divorce or at least a physical separation. This reexamination in the movie implies the risk that these two people may never get back together once they have begun the reexamination.
According to Cavell, in order for both partners to take this risk, they must at some level (often unconscious) believe that their partner is capable of and willing to undergo the stress associated with this period of testing and transition. Both partners must also believe that the relationship is worth saving. It is special enough to be worth substantial psychic investment. Cavell suggests that these 1930 comedies inevitably end with a remarriage (actually or figuratively) of the couple and with an accompanying new sense of relationship and a heightened sense of sexuality. The couple lives “happily ever after” — or at least until the next remarriage.
Perspective of Real-Life Couples
The remarriage process in real life resembles that found in the movies of the 1930s. Two partners in a relationship get a psychological “divorce” from one another in order to take a fresh look at the relationship, to tinker with the relationship, and to try out radically new ways of relating to one another and other people. The two partners then come back together in a remarriage, often with a second marriage ceremony, or, at the very least, a second honeymoon.
If either partner is unwilling to take the risk of temporary divorce from the other person in the relationship in order to work toward a remarriage, then the couple must consider one of three other options One or both partners may decide to assign the relationship less importance and invest their interest elsewhere — in their work, in their hobbies, in community service, and so forth. Alternatively, one or both partners may decide to work on another significant relationship. He or she might have an affair, focus on a relationship with one or more of their children, or spend more time “out with the boys (or girls)”. A third option is to get an actual, legal divorce, in order to disengage from one’s partner and not work anymore on the relationship.
At some point, almost all couples find themselves in a profoundly disturbing and immovable impasse. No matter what they do, they cannot escape; there are no more areas of conversation to open up, no more strategies to try, no more activities to limit. They feel totally stuck. Many couples separate at this point. Many others, perhaps only through inertia or devotion to children or to the idea of marriage, stay together. Most couples simply endure, emerging diminished but essentially unchanged after their ordeal. While the periods of stress and transition are very brief or of minimal intensity for some couples, these periods do seem to exist in virtually all relationships.
Most couples that seem to be successful in sustaining a supportive, yet growing relationship, have lived through and worked through these transformational periods by means of some type of remarriage to the same partner. For some couples, there is only one such period of transition and recommitment. For other couples, these occur rather frequently, but are usually interspersed with intervals of relative tranquility. Among those couples who have not engaged in a recommitment, there is a strong tendency for stagnation to set in or for the couple to divorce, separate or live “alone together” in an unsatisfactory relationship.
We have concluded from our interviews that the concept of remarriage is critical in understanding the dynamics of contemporary intimate relationships that are enduring. Couples of the 21st Century are facing complex, unpredictable and turbulent times. Their relationship is unlikely to remain viable and vital for many years without one or more of these significant readjustments of their relationship.
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