Those Senior Sages admitting to personal sacrifice offer two reasons: time away from family and giving up personal things they love to do:
“Yes, I am sacrificing, and I am not happy about it. I am not getting as much time as I would like to watch my grandson grow-up. And I am not spending as much time with my husband or my horses as I would like. At the same time, I am a problem-solver, and when I say I am going to do something I follow through and live-up to my commitments. That’s part of my values, of who I am.”
Type A: In most instances, Senior Sage leaders say their civic engagements don’t require sacrifice. Their lives are so structured that they find time for leisure activities, grand kids, the arts and, yes, civic engagement. They might occasionally complain that they don’t have time to do needle point or go fishing, or they may regret not spending more time with family members. Senior Sages may have sacrificed income when moving to Grass Valley or Nevada City, but most often the sacrifice is not tied to their volunteer activities.
In some cases, these leaders simply may have continued with the “Type A” behavior of their youth by joining too many boards or taking on too many volunteer assignments. Where is the professional coach to help constrain their Type A behavior? But most soon adjust and find a way to secure more balance in their lives. Even among those Senior Sages who are still working full or part-time, there is a thoughtful wedding of paid employment and civic engagement. As is the case with many of the Emerging Sage leaders, Senior Sages find time to gain both energy and direction through their volunteer work— and this easily transfers to the work they do for pay.
Letting Go: If there is sacrifice, it is sometimes framed not as a loss of personal time but as an inability to exert influence over the nonprofit organization they are serving. Most Senior Sages realize at some point that they need to step back and let others assume formal leadership roles. They learn they have to “let go,” much as they had to do with their own children earlier in their lives. As grandparents, Senior Sage leaders can play with their grandchildren without having full responsibility for them. Similarly, they can often participate actively in an organization without having to take full responsibility for its welfare—at least not to the extent if they were employed there full-time. This may be an important element of Generativity Four.
A professional coach can be of great value in helping overwhelmed clients “let go.” This coaching assistance is especially helpful if their older client has to let go of their “obligations” to a nonprofit enterprise. There was an even greater challenge for some Senior Sages. They sometimes reported that they were unable to let go because their favored organization is in crisis. Their inner standards won’t allow them to abandon the organization and their commitment to its welfare; they feel they have to remain actively involved, and often in its troubling minutia as well. This can lead to a real sense of sacrifice in the loss of family time and an increase in personal stress.
Myth and Reality: Often it is people who are not civically engaged who perceive such involvements as requiring great personal sacrifice. These men and women often remain disengaged precisely because they don’t recognize that this type of work can be rewarding and a source of energy rather than a drain. If they do get involved in civic activities, it is sometimes out of a sense of duty or civic obligation, in which case there is often resentment—or their commitment is half-hearted and short-lived. It is important for a professional coach to help their clients discern the appropriate (and sustainable) reasons for civic engagement. These reasons should not reside in a sense of obligation—or simply doing “what is expected of them.”
