Even when a good balance is struck for a brief period, something usually happens. Everything goes off-kilter again. As one Emerging Sage leader observes, “It’s very easy to get all-consumed in volunteer work, given my passion for it and the outcomes it yields.” And this is a person who doesn’t have children and doesn’t have to balance volunteer work with family time! Another Emerging Sage, an elected official, says the sacrifice to his private life is an unresolved trade-off against the gratification he receives from his public service.
The loss of private life is particularly apparent in small “island” communities like Grass Valley and Nevada City. In large part, this tension centers on the management of boundaries: “How do I say ‘no’ when I’m overwhelmed, or when I clearly haven’t devoted enough time to my family, job, or even my private life?” “What about the boundaries that separate my paid from my voluntary work, and when does one bleed into the other?” “How do I find time to really connect with other people?” “How do I set boundaries when I am always available by email or cell phone?” “In the age of texting and twittering, how do I find time to be off the grid?” “How do I find quality time with my partner, my children, and my friends? We no longer leave work at 5 pm, and we no longer devote our evenings to family life.” “When is my down time?” The Emerging Sage leaders find that setting clear and consistent boundaries is very challenging and often elusive—especially in the age of electronic technology. It is always a tenuous balance! Personal life, work life, and civic engagement all seem to flow into one another, and what was once seen as definitive boundaries blur and merge. A professional coach enters to help their challenged client set appropriate boundaries and sustain a fulfilling balance among competing priorities.
Boundary management is not about giving-up time or relationships. And it is not about money, lost opportunities, or better pay in the private sector. As one Emerging Sage notes, “Once you raise your hand in this community, you are going to get sucked into many activities. You are going to get pulled into things that you did not necessarily anticipate.” Many of the Emerging Sages are involved in civic engagements that focus on sustaining the natural environment. Ironically, they recognize they need to manage boundaries in their own lives if they are going to sustain boundaries that affect their civic commitments. In the end, sustainability becomes a goal at many levels.
From Success to Significance: The challenge of managing boundaries seems to be based in part on a change in the priorities set by Emerging Sages as they move into the second half of their lives. Their commitment to family might remain strong when they reach mid-age, but there is also a shift in the concern they have about the nature and quality of work they are doing. We know from considerable research on adult development that many young adults are ambitious and tend to identify self-worth in terms of personal and professional success: being singled out for recognition, getting a pay raise or promotion, being elected to public office, or appointed to a prestigious committee. As these men and women mature, a gradual but sometimes dramatic change occurs. They begin to focus not on their personal and professional success but on achieving something that is significant outside themselves. This is about leaving a legacy, about being “good for the world” rather than just being “good in the world.” (Jones, 2020) It is about Generativity Four.
We also know something about what aides and what hinders this shift from personal and professional success to a higher level of significance. A key is the support of important others in one’s life: If the partner doesn’t understand or encourage this shift to significance, then potential Emerging Sages are likely to pull back and remain engaged in the pursuit of personal success. And in the process, they are likely to risk becoming stagnant rather than generative. A couple that we know works as a coaching team with a leader and their spouse. This coaching couple finds that the spouse is often key to the success (and sustained generativity) of their leader partner.
