Safety is another matter. Intentions are very important. Are we interacting with a friend or with an enemy. Competence is also important, for we worry more about an enemy that is competent than an enemy that is incompetent. The latter enemy can be the source of jokes and caricature. The former enemy (powerful and skillful) is not the subject of humor. A shared perspective can also be important when seeking out safety. Given that safety can be a psychological phenomenon, we want to be sure that our “friend” really understands and appreciates our situation (and we need to appreciate their situation as well).
The matter of opportunity and openness similarly requires a careful inspection for they play an important role in determining the importance and establishment of our three facets of trust. Opportunity is primarily reliant on our internal sense of competence. We are not so much worried about other people catching up, we are more concerned about the matter of stepping up on the platform in the first place. Does it really further our interest to fall back from the platform into the arms of some people whom we don’t really know very well. Isn’t there a better use of our time? Aren’t there better places where we might take a risk?
Our own personal intentions take precedence over the intentions of other people—though we know that we will need their assistance if we are to take full advantage of our opportunities. The matter of perspective also tends to be an internal matter. We embrace our own personal perspective regarding purpose and the nature of success in our life. The perspectives taken by people who offer us an opportunity obviously are important—but their perspectives usually are not critical. Our understanding of the way in which they are viewing the world helps us identify tactics and strategies, but usually does not determine our own aspirations and goals.
It is quite another matter when it comes to our search for openness. It is important to take all three facets of trust into account when opening up to other people and when taking a risk (such as falling off the platform). Are they competent enough to “handle” our disclosure of personal information and viewpoints? Do they have our interests at heart? Do they even understand why and how we are being open (and is openness valued in their own culture?) When we increase our real openness with other people (rather than faking openness) then we are truly falling backwards off a platform. When we take a risk in offering a new idea during a committee meeting or when we provide honest feedback to a colleague during a coffee break, then we are required to discern the status of all three forms of trust.
Fear, Loss and Regrets
When engaging in polarity management, we must focus not just on the “upside” of each polarity, but also on its “downside.” Barry Johnson (1992/1996) specifically encourages us to identify the fears associated with each polarity. As I have already noted, we can further differentiate between fears associated with loss, and fears associated with regret. I would suggest that we listen to the behavioral economists and identify these regrets—for they may play as important a role as the fear of loss in driving the shifting forces of a polarity.
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