S² Loss
When considering the downside of S² (Home) we can first identify several primary fears regarding loss. First, there is a fear that a focus on security and safety will lead to rigidity and stagnation. We fear the loss of Vitality. Having secured our home, we never leave it. We remain close to accustomed food and water—no need to try something “exotic” when our palate has been satisfied with the regular old “ham and eggs” or “burger and shake.” Our worst nightmare changes. It is not that we are insecure or unsafe, it is that we have settled into a “humdrum” life. We are now that “boring” person that we joked about when young. And we have become bored with our life and with the person we have become. “By Jove, I now resemble my father/mother!!!”
When “stuck” in S² (Home) we find ourselves living a life of routine and complete predictability. I am reminded of an evening of minimalist music played by an orchestra in my region. While I appreciated the willingness of this orchestra’s conductor to try out new music and found the slow building of the tempo and emotional intensity of the music to be compelling, I also found that I was waiting impatiently for the composition to come to an end. Repetition can drain one’s patience.
O² Loss
On the O² (Quest) side of the ledger comes the fear that we lose our sense of well-being. We are overwhelmed. Our anxiety is no longer contained. We fear the loss of Integrity. I make use of this term as it relates first and foremost to the notion of structural integrity. We fear that we will “fall apart.” The second use of the term “integrity” is also relevant. We lose integrity as it relates to character and honesty. When things are anxiety-provoking then we cease looking at our compass of values and direction. Instead, we become opportunists who seek out any opportunity even if it means sacrificing some core values (moral essence). We open our heart and soul to another person and find that the floodgates of negative emotions have opened on the part of the other person (defensiveness, anger, disappointment, rejection). Our own internal floodgates have also been opened. We feel embarrassed, disappointed, and/or angry. Our emotional and interpersonal intelligence are challenged. We don’t know what to do next.
The accompanying nightmare centers on a swirling, chaotic world over which we have no control. We envision ourselves as strangers who are living in a strange land. I am reminded of Mussorgsky’s musical composition called “Night on Bald Mountain” when all of the demonic forces “come out to play.” We long for the awakening of morning and to the tolling of church bells that bring Mussorgsky’s terrifying score to a close. We fear becoming that “crazy lady/gentleman” that lived down the street when we were young. “My God, I might be driven to insanity like that neighbor I feared.”
S² Regrets
I have identified some of the fears that attend to our residency in either the S² (security and safety) or O² (opportunity and openness) polarity. What about the regrets? When we have lingered in S² (Home) too long, then we regret not having taken a bit of a risk. Much like Jimmy Steward in A Wonderful Life, we look at the posters of distant lands and wonder why we never took that trip. We look at the travel posters on our own wall–or more often watch the inviting ads on our TV set or on the Internet that feature the stay at a beach front or mountain side hotel. We wonder what it would be like to book passage on a large ocean liner that is sailing the Caribbean seas. Then there are the job postings that pop up on our computer or are identified by our close friend (who worries about our stagnation). We regret always saying “No” when someone offers us a chance to do something different. We wonder why we always see only the hard side of any new venture. Filled with Regret, we often begin to both envy and hate those people who have taken the journey outward from home.
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