Election Day. November 6, 2012. The United States has been invaded by Energy Vampires. They are well organized and here to suck our blood and vital bodily fluids. They seem to belong to secret orders, possibly religious in nature.
The Order of the Devout Victim.
“Poor me. They are doing it to me. It’s not my fault. I’m stuck here.Always the underdog. I hate it and love it at the same time. The music is sweet to my ears. Victims of the world unite.”
The Order of Always Being Right
“I’m never wrong. Even when I’m wrong I’m right. I’d rather be right than be successful. I’d rather be right than keep my friends. I love being right. It’s better than pizza.”
The Order of Supreme Arrogance
“Just face it. I’m better than you. I won’t tell you to your face but everyone else knows. I was born better and the world belongs to me, not you. My soul is sacred and yours isn’t. I wish you would grovel and someday you will.”
The Order of I Always Dump You First
“I’m always the Dumper and never the Dumpee. In high school, I always got dumped first and learned my lesson well. Now, nobody dumps faster than me. While you are thinking about whether or not we have a future, I do it. Like the fastest gun in the west, I have the power. I’m so fast it takes people months to realize what happened.”
The Order of Diminished Delight
“When pressed, I smile a little. I never laugh out loud and avoid roller coasters, fast women and horror movies. Some say I look depressed but I’m thrilled to keep my real feelings inside. I don’t move my body much and never speak in a loud voice. Dancing and public displays creep me out and I’ve always waited for lovers to come to me. I am patient.”Download Article 1K Club