Divorce was never my first choice. I struggled with this for some time. My marriage was a relationship I desperately wanted to save. However, in order for me to be the best version of myself, divorce was my only option. I made this decision after much time, thought, use of supports and relying on my Higher Power. Once the decision was made and the legal proceedings had ended, I came away from the experience with sadness of course but also of gratitude and forgiveness, and a strong belief that I am now a better person overall.
With both experiences, I am better having gone through the hard parts. For having run the hard miles and the hard emotional challenges. It is said that adversity builds character but I believe it is more accurate that adversity reveals character. I hope that has been true for me. Friends have said I showed strength of character throughout this transition. And that feels good to hear. All I know is that I did the best I could.
In my Counseling and Coaching services with my clients, I often speak about resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity. Another form of resilience is sometimes referred to as post traumatic growth or steeling effects wherein adversity leads to better functioning, much like a vaccination give one the capacity to cope well to future exposure to disease. Resilience is most commonly understood as a process.
Resiliency can be learned. The following are some methods for building your resiliency muscles:
Have a healthy support system. Surround yourself with high-quality people who care about you. A life coach, psychotherapist, close friend, clergy person, or special family member are all examples of good support systems.
Have a sense of humor. Don’t forget to laugh at yourself and life in general. When we let go of our own importance we can then laugh at ourselves. Watch funny movies. You tube has some great videos. Try not to take things too seriously, take a break from the intensity sometimes.
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