The benefits and an example of stopping lying to yourself:
Being the real you more of the time just feels good. In fact, in some situations where things don’t turn out the way you wanted or expected them to, being the real you is the only prize. I was having a conversation recently with a Project Manager of a big mining company. We’re working on the biggest project this company has ever taken on and it’s his job to land this huge challenge. His boss is a real micro manager and my client finds this incredibly frustrating. He asked me for some ideas as to how to deal more effectively with his boss, other than just telling him to back off! When I asked him to describe their relationship, he said he didn’t trust him as far as he could throw him. I asked if he was willing to have a different conversation with his boss about their relationship; he said he’s tried and it didn’t work.
I pressed him and discovered that when he’s around his boss he tries to be tough and macho; not the real him. I suggested that it might make a difference to just be himself around his boss, offer him some empathy, and ask him to talk about their relationship. He asked, “What if it doesn’t want to?” I replied, “Then the prize you walk away with is that you were true to you, and you stopped lying to yourself.”
The more you offer people the gift that is the real you, the more they will warm to you.., maybe not immediately, but in time. In order to do that, you need to offer them your Authentic Self, and stop lying about who you really are!
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