A similar dilemma exists in the world of psychotherapy-the client comes to see a “shrink” so that she will hurt less, less depressed, less anxious, much happier). Maybe a drug will do the trick. If not, then let’s do short-term, symptom-oriented psychotherapy. To what extent are professional coaches caught in the same dilemma: do I help my client reduce his stress or do I encourage him to address the sources of this stress – which may initially actually increase stress for my client? John may initially have to work even harder and spend even more weekends at the office or at his home computer in order to resolve some of the problems he is confronting. How will Marnie feel if John’s work/life balance is initially even more tilted toward work?
After two sessions that focus on John’s work/life balance, John wants to confront several of the immediate organizational problems that are helping to create the stress and are pushing him to work overtime. These problems include the inability of his subordinates to take on full responsibility for the tasks they are assigned (meaning that John himself ends up doing the work) and the failure of his President, Kurt, to remain consistent in his expectations regarding priorities for John’s department. Are we pushing decreased costs and efficiency or increased quality of service with a significant reduction in administrative errors? John also is quite frustrated with the role he plays at the hospital (in relationship to Kurt). It seems that Kurt is something of a “visionary” and, as a result, John must be the “practical” one. Furthermore, Kurt often goes visionary precisely at the point when the hospital is faced with a crisis that needs to be resolved in short order. While Kurt points to and talks endlessly about “the bigger picture” and taking a “long view, “John is saddled with solving the immediate problems that seem to land on his desk every day. He poses the issue to Natalie as follows:
John: “Why can’t I sometimes be the one who offers a dream? Why does Kurt always have to be the one with the big idea . . . an idea, frankly, that often is impractical? I am tired of being the one who always has to say says “we don’t have the money” or, how can we convince our docs to go along with this plan?”
Natalie: Does Kurt know that you feel this way?
John: Yeh, I guess so … or at least he should know how I feel, given that I am always stuck in this role of being the “can’t do” man.
Natalie: Does it make sense for you to talk with Kurt about your frustrations and concerns? He might not be aware of the depth of your feelings and the desire you have to play something other than the “can’t do” role.
John: You’re probably right… I think I will set up a meeting and talk to Kurt about this stuff. Probably a good idea… though I sure don’t like having to bring this stuff up. It feels like I am just bitching about things. I probably should come into my meeting with Kurt with some suggestions for change, rather than just complaining.
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