One of my colleagues recently reported at a health care forum (Salus, 2024) on an experience he had as a child growing up in a lower-middle class family. He made friends with another child who came from an upper middle-class family. My colleague noted that he had never been in a home when the back yard “seemed to be as large as a park!” After several months, his new friend indicated that he was about to move. His father had just accepted a better job in another city. My colleague was stunned (and still vividly recalls this moment). Why did my friend’s father take a new job? What’s wrong with his current job? Here was a first glance of (and awakening to) upper middle-class life and values. The O² quest was in full display.
A fundamental question emerges: at what point do we have enough money? What is the Essence of Sufficient Wealth? Does the point ever come when we can Trust our financial well-being? How much does/should my MA student indulge in the ongoing search for financial worth? Are any other achievements in life of equal or greater worth than money? A second question is engaged: at what point does the upper middle-class father quit moving from job to job? At what point does he consider the cost accruing to his family? Is he indulging in a quest for job advancement (and perhaps more money) at the cost of other priorities in life? Does either the MA student or ever-moving father pause when the alarm sounds? Does the alarm even sound for these two O²-inspired gentlemen?
Finally, there is the regret that comes with recognition that one has never really cared enough about that which is truly important in life. We keep a financial score card or a resume filled with many increasingly “important” job assignments. Does the score card or resume indicate anything about the difference we have made in our world. I recently wrote a book with Gary Quehl, a colleague for many years who led several major educational associations in Washington D.C. By all accounts, Gary was a “success” in life. However, now resident of a community in the foothills of the California Sierra Nevada mountains, Dr. Quehl is retired (like me) and reflecting on the nature of a “successful” life. We decided to do some of this reflecting by conducting interviews with other men and women who had led a life of major achievement.
The primary theme that emerged from these interviews concerned Generativity and deep caring. Gary and I wrote a book (Bergquist and Quehl, 2023) in which we identified four modes of Generativity. There is a mode that focuses on caring for children and specific projects that we conduct. A second mode concerns our mentoring of other members of our organization or community. The third mode is founded on a desire to expand our caring over time. We become “guardians” of the past (history, awards, ceremonies, etc.).
Finally, there is a fourth mode that concerns the extension of caring in space. We become “stewards” in and of our community. It is in this fourth mode that we find Community Engagement—a mode of Generativity that was particularly important to Gary Quehl in his current life. For both Gary and me, an alarm signaled the absence of caring (beyond our own family) in our life of retirement. While Gary has focused on the fourth mode of Generativity, I have become more of an historian (writer) and celebrant of achievements by other people (Mode Three Generativity). I suspect that Gary Quehl and I are not alone in doing some reflection at this point in our life–when the seduction of O² opportunities and potential success resides in our past. The alarms might sound somewhat late in our life, but they do sound—and we must pay attention.
Download Article 1K Club
