It is in Will’s open expression of feelings regarding me that I found the high level of Trust to be most evident. My interaction with Will began after another member of the team offered a comment that was critical of an idea I presented. I was one of the most vocal, perhaps “mouthy” members of the team. Another member of the group came to my “defense.” They suggested that this critical comment could dissuade me from remaining a participating and productive member of the team. It is at this point that Will Schutz spoke up: “you don’t need to worry about Bill Bergquist’s feelings, he is so well defended that you would need to hit him over the head with a two-by-four to get his full attention!” Other members of the planning team sat silently. They were in shock regarding this “brutal” assessment of my character and defensiveness. While I was initially taken back by Will’s comments, I quickly realized that Will had offered a “brutally” honest appraisal of how I handle negative feedback.
I spoke up and was quite honest (I believe) for a few moments. I indicated that I do use my psychology to fend off most negative feedback. I do the same with positive feedback. In fact, this “disclosure” on my part might itself be a clever defensive routine. I closed my statement by indicating that I needed to ponder about what Will has said. I would try to move past my defensive routine in order to absorb the insights and implications of what Will Schutz has offered me.
I believe that I could take in and absorb the harsh observations that Will made during this meeting because I had established a high level of Trust in Will. His competence, his intentions and his shared perspective (regarding human relationships) were evident in the role he played in the planning group. The group’s achievement of inclusion, control and openness further enhanced my capacity to take in Will’s comments. Safety had been achieved in this group—despite the significant challenge associated with bringing together these high-ego folks. I did spend a considerable amount of time reflecting on my own defensiveness and the ways in which I distance myself from many challenging interpersonal relationships. The impact of Will Schutz’s comments continues up to today. I am sharing this episode for the first time in this essay on Trust. Even now, I have to consider if this sharing is itself an example of my frequently used use of objectification and intellectualization as a defense. Are the last couple of paragraphs mostly my defensive routine on display? Though he passed away in 2002, Will Schutz is still lingering in my mind and heart. Thank you, Will, for being a trusting colleague.
Poetic Description of Steps to Trust: The Invitation
While the steps to be taken based on the guidance of Will Schutz will lead us to a trust-ful relationship with other people and with groups of people, I find that I ponder the deeper meaning of Trust. I wonder if the Essence of Trust resides ultimately at a level that insightful psychologists and consultants like Will Schutz can’t quite reach.
I find myself searching for an analysis of and rendition of Trust that is both more soulful and filled with a sense of spirit (Moore,1992). I imagine that soulful Trust leads us down further into a meaningful relationship with other people and with groups of which we are a member. Conversely, spirit-ful Trust leads us up higher toward a more aspirational relationship with other people and with those who join us in seeking to create a better world.
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