”’People in any situation are either “for” one another or they are “not.””’ In any moment, while this may not be fully in awareness, it’s absolute. When asked if someone else is for them, the answer is always, “yes, they are for me” or “no, they are not for me” or they might say, “I can’t tell.” The latter, as a practical matter has the same effect as the other person not being for you. I suggest that this condition is the context of the relationship. This context is decisive. It shapes what’s possible and what happens. It promotes energy, cooperation and trust or it suppress it. Ultimately, it determines the quality of performance.
”’Kurt Lewin said that if you want to understand something, try to change it.”’ For almost 30 years, I have used my commitment to the success of the person who hires me as my guiding light. Even when they stop hiring me, I have remained committed to their success and their life. I’ve never committed to organizations but to the people leading them. One time, I found that I had withdrawn my commitment to a client’s success. It was an unsettling and unpleasant experience. It wasn’t a conscious choice to de-commit. I first noticed that I was behaving in less enthusiastic ways and in retrospect I saw that I had withdrawn my commitment.
”’Committing to Someone’s Success is a Pledge that:”’
”’I am for you.”’
I will not let what comes between us stay unresolved.
I will make sure we are living into the same future at the highest level.
I will not undermine you.
I will not lie to you or withhold what you need to know to improve.
I will be willing to have upset between us.
I will try to resolve differences and to speak out for the resolution of differences privately and in public. I will not avoid public conversation of differences to maintain control.
I will speak out for the value and validity of commitment to each other’s success.
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