The Order of Incessant Explanation
“I have a gold medal from the Explanation Olympics. I can explain the past, the future and what’s happening now. Nobody explains the weather better than me. I know why everybody does what they do and there is no national problem so small or so big that I can’t explain it. All I do is explain and everyone near me lives in an ocean of explanation. The tide never goes out.”
The Order of Insincere Apology
“I’m sorry. I apologize for everything. I start most sentences with a direct apology or a disclaimer or an unnecessary preamble that serves as an apology. I’m sorry for anything I’ve said or might say before I say it. I’m sorry.”
The Order of Frightened Aggression
“When in doubt, I attack. Sometimes, I make jokes at people’s expense and sometimes change the subject. Often, I mock what scares me. I’ve always had a case of free floating fear waiting for something to attach itself to. I keep myself under strict control, not a loose cannon but still a cannon.”
The Order of Insincere Offers
“I know that offers appeal to people especially if they really want what I say and I have been smart enough to figure that out. Eventually, they will be disappointed and go away but until then it remain “moth to the flame” and I keep the seduction game in play.”
The Order of Having to Make a Difference
“As they were getting divorced, he said,” If I wanted to get married to make a difference, I would have married the Sierra Club” Doing good was more important to her than sex or just talking to each other. No good cause was ever left unnoticed. She sent thousands of emails to people who increasingly avoided her. I kept asking myself, “When does good stop being good.”
The Order of Perpetually Trite Response
“I’ve watched TV for my whole life. I am a SitCom alive with places and people that never happen. No words bore me. I love simplicity and the uncomplicated. Intellectuals are dangerous. Ideas are dangerous. Foreign is dangerous. If God didn’t say first, it can’t and can’t be true. Boredom is excitement. Banal is creative. Life repeats itself, or else.”
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