Steve: And, you don’t even have an expectation that the part needs to settle.
George: Nope.
Steve: It’s as if you are saying, “I’m with you exactly as you are.” Did you ask the part, “How do you feel?” And did the part say anything to you, or did it just respond by settling? I just want to be clear.
Comment: Because much of what unfolds occurs in the client’s inner world, it is necessary to ask what’s happening in order to be able to track the client and facilitate the unfolding process.
George: I didn’t ask him any questions. I just sat there with him.
Steve: Okay. What if you ask him and let’s see if the part is willing to talk? Does he respond when you ask him, “How are you feeling right now?”
George: [long pause] He’s tired.
Steve: Yeah, he’s tired.
George: And he’s saying, “I can’t, I just can’t do this.”
Steve: What if you mirror this back to the part, maybe you could say something like, “I’m really feeling how tired you are and that you feel like you just can’t do this.”
Comment: One of the simplest ways to create an experiential mismatch is mirroring back your understanding of what the part is saying and feeling. This helps the part feel seen and empathically understood. Notice we are letting the part be as it is. However, when the part feels seen and understood, predictably it will release and unfold. This helps the client drop into deeper self-contact within the four depths where mismatches are easily created.
George: [pause] It’s just kind of nodding back at me.
Steve: Yeah. It’s acknowledging that.
Steve: If I was tracking, it sounds like, you know what the deeper job of this part is already. This is the part that’s working really hard to help you feel valuable. Is that right?
George: Yeah. This is the part that says, “This is what I need to do to add value. This is what I need to do to be valuable. This is what I’m here to do. Right? Like I’m here to support them.”
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