Richa Chadha, MBA, MS; ICF-PCC, ACTC
For years, society has conditioned us to believe that hiding our tears is a sign of strength. From childhood, many of us heard phrases like, “Don’t cry, be strong,” or “Crying won’t solve anything.” The unspoken rule was clear: strength lies in stoicism, not vulnerability. Yet, this myth does more harm than good, leaving countless people disconnected from their emotions and, ironically, weaker in the face of life’s challenges.
Emotional intelligence—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our emotions—is the true measure of strength. It’s about knowing when to hold it together and when to let it out. But how do we shift a cultural mindset that equates tears with weakness? The answer lies in stories that show how embracing emotions can lead to transformation.
I once coached a CEO who admitted, with great hesitation, that she cried in her car after every tough board meeting. She described these tears as a shameful secret, one that made her feel inadequate as a leader. When I asked why she felt that way, her voice broke, “Because leaders are supposed to be strong, not fall apart.”
As we worked together, she began to see her tears not as evidence of weakness but as a reflection of her care and commitment. She was crying because she deeply valued the people she led and felt the weight of her responsibilities. Over time, she learned to channel that raw emotion into conversations with her team, sharing her struggles in ways that inspired trust and collaboration. Her tears became her greatest strength, a bridge to authentic leadership that connected her with others on a human level.
On the other end of the spectrum was a young man named Raj, who came to me feeling numb and detached from life. He rarely showed emotion, believing it made him “unshakable” and “resilient.” But inside, he felt hollow. Raj had lost a close friend years ago, but he never allowed himself to grieve. “Crying wouldn’t bring him back,” he said flatly.
Our work together was slow and deliberate. I encouraged Raj to write letters to his friend that he would never send, to say out loud the words he’d bottled up for so long. One day, in a session, he broke down sobbing. It was the first time he had cried in years. And while it was painful, it was also freeing.
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