Home Research Evidence Based COACHING SKILLS I HAVE COME TO QUESTION

COACHING SKILLS I HAVE COME TO QUESTION

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 PARAPHRASING AND SUMMARIZING

The common reasons research subjects gave for disliking paraphrasing and summarizing were that their usage “took up THEIR airtime,” that they were “distracting” and “interrupted their train of thought.” Many expressed that the coaches’ “spin” on their experience was a “pro forma” exercise the coaches seem to think necessary. Many found the use of these skills “unnecessarily repetitive” and even “annoying.” Similar words (like “annoying”) came up especially when coaches shared their assumptions/intuition about what they perceive is going on for them (the research subjects) – and their perceptions were not accurate.

Many other people described hearing what they just said being repeated – in the form of a summary or paraphrase – as “redundant” and “time-wasting.” Others heard coaches’ descriptions about what they were thinking and feeling as “simplifications”, “minimizing”, “inaccurate” and “rote”. Commonly expressed statements were also to the effect, “I don’t need to hear back what I just said.” Others wondered why the practitioner chose certain things to “highlight” that were not as important to the speakers as other parts of what they shared. Most research subjects said that they did not like correcting the coaches’ assumptions and perceptions about their experiences.

REFRAMING

When it came to the skill of reframing, I heard from many members of the study variations of “it just didn’t land when the coach attempted to make my negative experience a more positive one” or, when coaches attached their (the coaches’) words to the emotions being expressed.

“Off-putting”, “patronizing” and similar descriptors were used by research subjects when their negative statements were reframed as reflective of their positive values or needs. This was especially the case when they just wanted to talk and reflect and not have their experiences “labelled.” Others even described reframing as an effort by the coach to “flatter” them. As referred to above regarding summarizing and paraphrasing, research subjects said they did not like correcting coaches’ “take” on their experiences.

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16 Comments

  1. Ed Modell

    January 10, 2023 at 11:18 am

    Cinnie-I completely agree with you. I try hard not to use those General and broad coaching skills.

    What I often do with clients is to point out a specific word or phrase they have used that I believe is significant and then ask them to say more about it. I also point out when the tone of their voice has changed that they are more excited about one thing than another. I ask whether or not that resonates Athena and whether they are aware of it.
    Ed

    Reply

    • Cinnie Noble

      January 11, 2023 at 8:50 pm

      Hi Ed – I am not surprised that you would limit the amount you intervene in the client’s process of self discovery! Thank you for weighing in.

      Reply

    • Cinnie

      January 12, 2023 at 9:20 pm

      Hi Ed- thank you for weighing on this – and I agree noticing changes in body language, tone of voice, facial changes- they are all important to raise.

      Reply

  2. Chichi

    January 10, 2023 at 1:13 pm

    Hi Cinnie.
    Thanks for the reticle. I resonate with what you have shared and sincerely believe that, those principle are are guideline that may not be contextually for at the time or for the person being coached. Being present for me lap implies understanding the Coaching Client’s preferences and hearing their nuances without being invasive, domineering or condescending.

    Reply

  3. Kevin Weitz

    January 10, 2023 at 3:36 pm

    I agree with your research results and interpretations Cinnie. My personal experience with this topic is my working relationship with a “big 3” consulting firm some years ago. After some weeks into the project (a large utility), the client leaders reacted to the frequent comment from the Big 3 consultants – “Help Me Understand”. While the intent was valid (I need to explore that my understanding is correct), the phrase appeared orchestrated and artificial. Given that the project was intense and stressful for many client leaders, this phrase became an irritant and a barrier to effective partnership with the consulting group. My coaching advice to these consultants was to be less orchestrated and more conversational with their client partners.

    Reply

    • Cinnie Noble

      January 11, 2023 at 8:56 pm

      Oh yes, Kevin. I didn’t include all the comments that people in the study made but many stated emphatically a dislike for statements like “help me understand” , “how does that make you feel?” “So, what you are saying…” (one person said something like ” As soon as I hear the word “so” I cringe waiting for the interpretation that I don’t need or want to hear!”

      Reply

  4. Cinnie Noble

    January 11, 2023 at 8:52 pm

    I really like what you said here Chichi – about hearing the clients’ “nuances without being invasive, domineering or condescending”

    Reply

  5. Veronique Eberhart

    April 26, 2023 at 5:52 pm

    Very interesting article and comments. I believe that beyond the use of particular stereotypical words and expressions, the real crux of the issue for a client is the feeling to be part of a generic system that follows unchanging steps – like a recipe. It does nothing to foster trust and vulnerability.
    Nevertheless, those expressions can be useful when they are warranted and part of the normal flow of the conversation. The example of neurodivergent people is absolutely spot on. In one case, I would repeat verbatim what the client had just said over and over again… to his utter dismay and vigorous claims that I was ‘twisting his words’. I knew that he had a neurodivergent diagnostic, and cutting through his mind chatter was a completely different ball game. So, yes, there was a lot of ‘what do you mean when you say…’ or ‘What I heard is…’ etc…

    Reply

    • Cinnie

      June 17, 2023 at 9:46 pm

      Thank you Veronique. I appreciate your comments here.

      Reply

  6. whoiscall

    June 26, 2023 at 9:41 am

    Great post!

    Reply

  7. JosephDr

    June 26, 2023 at 1:34 pm

    Cinnie, An interesting perspective. My question: if not these means done skillfully, naturally, and with right understanding, then what?

    Reply

  8. Joseph

    June 26, 2023 at 2:56 pm

    Cinnie, if not these communications approaches applied naturally and skillfully, then what is the alternative?

    Reply

    • Cinnie Noble

      August 22, 2023 at 9:21 am

      I find the alternatives are to ask the client more questions ( see the last part of my article for example), use silence that let clients find/use their words to describe their experiences and make observations of changes in tone, body language. I find that by trusting that the client can skillfully, naturally and with the right understanding identify their experiences etc. there is more insight and confidence gained.

      Reply

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