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Awakening Spring in Autumn – A Sample Chapter

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Our inner child knows better. Our child is not deceived. . . . We need to pay attention to the child in us at this point. This child isn’t the underdeveloped, infantile part of our psyche that cries out in fear when we hover around the decision to have an illicit affair. Rather this is the wise, childlike part of us that is safeguarding our integrity and our sanity. This is not a repressive superego or the outmoded voices of a more “up-tight” era. Rather this is the sensible voice of our inner child who sees past our denial. Our inner child knows what is really going on and recognizes our fragility. Our inner child does care for our growth and recognises our deeper desire to realise our higher potential, Our inner child is without anger or hatred regarding our own personal welfare and offers . . . arms and eyes of compassion. Yet we sometimes, lose the power of discrimination and misinterprets the real as merely a shadow.

The boy needs attention. . . . Some of the great tragedies in contemporary literature concern the failure to recognize that someone we care about is in trouble or that someone we love dies before we mobilize assistance. John Cheever (2000) offers us the painful tale of a man who stands on a hill overlooking the valley where his home is located. The main character in Cheever’s short story, The Swimmer, realizes that he can swim home via the swimming pools located on adjacent properties. As he traverses the various lots leading to his own home, the swimmer encounters people he has ignored or abused over the years. He slowly realizes that he has failed repeatedly in life to attend to the people about whom he truly cares. He arrives at his home ready to change his life and be a better husband and father—only to discover that his family had moved away and that he is left alone. . . .

The Time in Life to Listen to the Voices

This choice between stagnation and generativity is not as easy as it may appear on the surface. We often chose stagnation and risk the wrath of an unacknowledged voice. If we take actions based on the voices from other rooms, then we are likely to be condemned by our family and friends—and even condemned by our own psyche. . . .

A very insightful developmental psychologist, Bernice Neugarten (1969), suggests that we often experience a developmental crisis in life when the actions we take and decisions we make are bold and generative. These actions and decisions are often out of sync with expectations of the society in which we live. Crises in development occur when we do something at a time in our life that does not square with societal rules. . . .

Sarah is an Autumnal woman whom one of us has coached. She co-owns and has served as president for nine years of a training institute that primarily serves mature men and women preparing for a second career. Sarah’s timing was off in acquiring this institute for one half million dollars. She wasn’t really at an appropriate age for taking on this high-risk, entrepreneurial venture. Sarah would have been better suited for this risky venture when she was 35 or 40. Sarah was 48 years old when she bought this institute and assumed a major five-year debt.

A younger person should have bought this institute. A younger man or women would be expected by society to be sufficiently energetic and visionary to make a venture like this successful. A woman who is about to enter her Autumnal years is much too old for such a venture (especially as a woman!). What was our client thinking about, or was she thinking at all, when she assumed this large financial burden at this point in her life? The rest of the world was telling Sarah that she should be planning for her retirement and financial security. Was the rest of the world right?

Sarah often confronted herself with many disturbing questions and statements during our coaching sessions:

“What in the world was I was doing taking on the task of leading a training institute? My work at the institute is always exciting but also terrifying. Is something wrong with me? Was I foolish in taking this on? Was I too old? Was I kidding myself regarding my interest in and ability to take on this venture?”

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