There were also the successes and failures that Gary and I experienced on a personal level. Together with Gary, I touched the centre of [my] own sorrow—as did Gary. We both had been opened by life’s betrayals. Gary and I journeyed hand-in-hand through heart-breaking divorces and partial separation from our children. I remember spending evenings with Gary listening to sorrow songs (such as Sondheim’s “Send in the Clowns”). We were sipping on a bit too much wine while lamenting our misfortunes. Gary and I shared many a night of grief and despair. However, we would also both meet the wonderful women we would eventually marry. Gary and I were together when I met my future wife, Kathleen. Furthermore, I introduced Gary to his future wife, Bonnie. Together, Gary Quehl and I risk[ed] looking like a fool for love. He and I built a foundation of Trust that was based on both Spirit-ful and Soul-ful Integrity.
Finally, there is the matter of Integration. Over many years of being together, working together and feeling together, Gary Quehl and I have established both Spirit-ful and Soul-ful Integration. All aspects of our lives have been revealed to one another and have been accepted by one another. We both know what sustains us when things are going well. Even more importantly, we both know what sustains [each of us] from the inside when all else falls away. In many instances, these integrating sources of knowledge about one another accompanies the release of inhibitions. Together, we have [stood] at the edge of the lake [or ocean] and shout[ed] to the silver of the full moon, “Yes.” This shout occurred on the deck of my cottage in Maine or on the edge of a hot tub at Gary’s home in California.
The shouting celebration also occurred hand-in-hand with other people about which we both cared. I recall the wedding of Gary and Bonnie at the home which Kathleen and I owned and loved on the Coast of Northern California. I also recall the serenade that Gary and I provided to a dear friend. We sang to her during a summer conference held at a mid-west college. Gary and I had both been members of fraternities in college. We had learned the songs required to celebrate the “pinning” of a young lady by one of our fraternity brothers. Our friend had never been pinned as a young woman. Nor, as a Jewish woman, was she allowed to join a sorority at the college she attended.
Gary and I decided that our dear friend should be celebrated with song. It was a hot humid evening. She stood on a balcony with other women attending the conference. Gary and I stood below. We offered her every one of our fraternal songs of devotion and love. There was not a dry eye to be found on this balcony. Gary and I had declared our deep appreciation (even love) for our cherished friend. And we discovered a new alignment of Trust (Intentions) in one another. We found that we both cared deeply (generativity) about the damage done by antisemitism and other forms of hatred in our world. We helped one another enact this caring through song. Gary and I went on to celebrate the accomplishments and presence of many other people in our life. There were graduation ceremonies at my doctoral institution, special dinners with friends, and surprise appearances of one another at birthday celebrations. Gary and I joined hands and hearts to stand in the centre of the fire . . . and not shrink back. Each of us, with the help of one another, built a foundation of personal Trust (Soul-ful Integration) that has enabled us to be alone with [our]self and . . . truly like the company [we] keep in the empty moments.
Thank you, Oriah Mountain Dreamer for providing me with new insights about Trust.
And thank you Gary for manifesting Trust in our own long-term relationship . . .
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