There are two key questions to be asked with regard to Inclusion—and ultimately the establishment of Trust: (1) Do I want to be included in this social system and (2) How do I get included or stay un-included? The answers to these questions are often not easy to obtain – for the relationship, group or organization does truly exist in the dark until such a time as we know what is really happening in this system. We don’t know what the system’s “real” values are or purposes are for operating at the present time. Clarifying questions usually can’t be asked because the level of trust is still very low (since this system has not yet begun to operate with me as a member. We can’t really “Trust” how the system is operating when it is in full view of me—as the person considering inclusion. Everyone might be ‘on good behavior” (because the system wants me to join) – or might be “acting badly” (because they are not sure if I should be included).
Even when deciding to enter a relationship, group or organization and having been accepted into this system, a thoughtful person is likely to just observe what is happening in the system—which means that they are often relatively quiet when first entering a relationship or joining a group. It is about being realistic regarding the relationship, group or organization being considered for inclusion. How is this system really going to operate and what truly are its values and its priorities? If it is a transactional relationship or a working group or organization, we also want to know about its desired outcomes. Does this person have a good reason for asking me to join them in a Trusting relationship? Does this cluster of people have a good reason for gathering together and working with one another? Is there a compelling purpose in forming a Trusting relationship. Many years ago, Martin Buber (1958) wrote about relationships that have a higher-order compelling purpose—a commitment to something greater than either person in the relationship. He identified these special relationships as I/Thou and contrasted them with I/It relationships that exist without any higher order purpose.
Having gathered this information, the prospective member of the social system turns consciously or unconsciously to five primary tactical concerns regarding inclusion: (1) Should I just stand here for a bit and observe this person or cluster of people to see what is happening before committing myself? (2) How do I determine if I really want to be part of this relationship, group or organization? (3) If I do want to join, how do I get genuinely included? (4) If I don’t want to engage in this relationship, group or organization, do I still have to join this social system for some reason? (5) What role should I play in this social system so that I can be included and remain included, or not be truly included but still “show up” as a (reluctant) participant in this relationship or as a “member” of this group/team?
What about those people who come to a relationship, group or organization with an orientation toward something other than working with other people? They might be “introverts,” “loners” or simply folks who like to work alone or with a few other people whom they fully trust. While they are likely to lean toward the collection of relevant information when first knocking on the door, they often embrace quite different priorities when knocking on the door—and can get in trouble when at least partially ignoring the information. Unfortunately, these potential members of a group or organization may be vulnerable to the P.R. of this group or organization. Even when they confront the reality of the other person, group or organization in its daily operations, they are likely to hang on to their original perspective regarding this person, group or organization. These are folks who often are not only reticent to join with other people, but also lack the “social intelligence” to make accurate discernments regarding the “character” and priorities of these people. Cognitive dissonance reigns supreme, which can lead to self-deception regarding the real values held by other people. Disillusionment and de-moralization are all-too-frequent outcomes of those without social IQ determining whether or not to seek inclusion in a social system. This is often why they are reticent about working with other people whom they do not know well.
Download Article 1K Club
