Key Control Questions and Concerns: Fundamentally, members of any social system—be it an individual relationship, a team or entire organization—must determine who is in charge. Who will dominate in this relationship? Who gets to speak the most? Who makes the final decision? Does this dominance shift depending on the issue being addressed or does it remain in place regardless of what needs to happen? What will be the leadership structure of this group or organization? For example, are we going to have a single leader, rotating leadership, or perhaps leadership assigned to specific tasks?
Then there is the matter of each member’s assessment of their own desire for control: do I want to have influence in this relationship? Do I wish to acquire some authority in this group or organization? Several key questions must be addressed: (1) Do I want to become influential and/or gain control in this social system and if I do how should I become influential and in control? And (2) Do I instead want the other person in this relationship or other people in this group or organization to be primary sources of influence and provide control? Are we interested in the matter of influence primarily because we are interested in gaining attention to some idea and, hopefully, finding that this idea is subsequently enacted? Or does the desire for influence and control reside at a deeper level? Do we always feel a bit more at ease if we are “in charge” or at least have a major “say” in which is to be done?
What is the real reason why we want to be influential? Is it more a matter of wanting to be visible? Do we want to be in control simply because we are most comfortable in a group or organization if we are in control? Are relationships in our life most enjoyable and enriching if I am guiding their direction and assuming responsibility for their outcome(s)? Or is it a matter of reducing levels of anxiety by taking action (rather than remaining in a state of freeze)? If this is a case of anxiety, then there is likely to be a focus on the actions being taken. Anxiety is often reduced in a social system if specific goals are achieved that relate to the primary purpose for the existence and continuation of this system. We are anxious about joining this social system and find that the anxiety is reduced (metabolized) when the system acts and is successful. The anxiety for many of us is likely to be reduced if we are somehow leading the charge. We are proactively influencing the action begin taken on behalf of the system’s survival (thwarting an existential threat)
What does it take for us to lead the charge? In order to answer this fundamental question regarding control, we must find or establish clarity regarding authority in the system. There are three primary concerns: (1) how am I (and how are we) going to figure out how the power operates in this system? (2) How do we assign authority in this system and to whom do we give this authority? (3) How do I determine where and with whom I want to align myself, given the structure of authority and operation of power in this system—be it a personal relationship or a large, collective endeavor?
If there is significant agreement about critical matters, then the system is likely to lean toward (or even opening embrace) a strongly top/down mode of leadership. Trust is established because we know who is in charge and we know that they will lead us to a successful outcome (to which we are all committed). By contrast, if most of the members of a system wish there to be little formal control (a low need for control) then members of the system are likely to lean toward a more laissez-faire mode of leadership – in other words not much formal leadership at all. If there is little Trust in the current competence and intentions of the formal leader, then a bit of fumbling about will be preferable to insensitive and “stupid” leadership. No “bull in the China shop” need apply for the positive of leader in this social system!
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