The session with the seventh group did not go well. They stated that they wanted a better relationship. However, this did not mean a partnership. They were fully immersed in the victim-perpetrator-rescuer model. There were clear victims and perpetrators. Yet, each also took turns playing the rescuer role for the group to which they belonged.
Amongst the tension, victimization, and perpetration, we learned that each longed to be rescued by and in control of one another. They were fighting over the victim role. We found no one open to coaching. In this session, we experienced the historical cruel and destructive relationship described during the interviews. In each case, the person declaring victimhood was perceived as a perpetrator by the other group. No one expressed interest in learning. Each group wanted to hear that they were right and the other group was wrong.
A Chaotic Second Session
It is not uncommon that the first try of a recipe is delicious but the second try of the recipe doesn’t quite come out as tasty. This was our experience with the second two-day session. The tension that spilled over from the failed and hostile seventh group session was apparent. The mood created in the first session was overpowered by the angry and resentful mood generated by the seventh base. Shifting this tense mood was critical.
Session two’s theme was learning. We presented distinctions associated with being a learner and the act of learning. These distinctions included habits that shut down the learning process, the role trust plays in learning, some learning models, and making a commitment to learning. Activities were conducted in triads or small groups.
Three factors eventually shifted the mood from tension to openness:
- the continued use of the interaction guidelines
- teaching the qualities and pitfalls of the victim-rescuer-perpetrator model
- an exercise that allowed them to personally experience the distinction between hearing from listening,
In the listening exercise, many participants observed that they engaged in little, if any, intentional listening with members of the other group. When they became present and listened, perceptions about one another shifted and erroneous assumptions about one another began to be corrected.
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