Passion
As a cheater we can also blame it on our unbridled feelings. We lie because we are caught in the embrace of a strong emotion. These feelings and emotions can be quite noble in character: “I simply couldn’t tell her the truth. It would have absolutely destroyed her!” Our feelings can also have a less admirable and more primitive source: “I was very mad at him and acted in a very stupid manner.” Dr. Freud (1990) would attribute some cheating to the dominance of the Id. Freud wrote about “slips of the tongue” that enable unconscious (and socially unacceptable thoughts and feelings to slip out). He probably would find that lies are similarly generated in many instances from unconsciously motivated drives toward safety, revenge and (most importantly) eventual gratification of primitive needs. Freud’s one time associated, Carl Jung (2013) would point instead to the emergence of ancient pulls toward deception (the trickster) or achievement of great victories on behalf of noble purposes (the warrior).
When passion is employed to explain cheating and lying behavior, the cognitive dissonance has been reduced by the cheater/liar. This person has split themselves in two. They are both the “rational” and “Irrational” person. In many cases, cheater can blame some outside source for the irrationality. They “made me mad.” “Their flirting with other men made me jealous.” There is always the booze, drugs and raw sex to blame as an internal source. And the ultimate fallback is Flip Wilson’s famous statement: “the Devil made me do it!”
Convenience
A much less passionate reason to cheat is often to be found among people in most “civilized” societies. It is simply a matter of altering reality a bit so that we can “get by” in our community – or even thrive. We just “grease the wheel” a little by offering a small bribe. We spend the night on the road (attending a conference) with a woman from our office. Not a big deal—just a way to reduce the tensions associated with a hard day of promoting our product. I want to build a “trusting” relationship with my new boss, so I avoid telling her about my concerns with the former boss.
The cognitive dissonance is reduced (if not fully eliminated) by reducing the magnitude of the cheat or lie—or at least our estimate of the magnitude. It is “not a big thing” and, as we have already noted, it is what “everyone does every day of their life.” Cheating becomes a convenient way in which to operate in our life and work. Lying often becomes habitual and may even become “invisible” (tacit knowledge) for the liar—until they are “discovered” by someone and have to face the reality of their aberrant behavior.
Download Article 1K Club
