The critical element of “paying forward” is when we offer Generativity Three by honoring another person in order to establish or preserve a social bond. We expect in the future to be similarly honored. At the very least, we feel good about doing what is appropriate about a social exchange. Generativity of all kinds is founded in social exchange.
We pay babysitters and day care centers to take care of our children; this is market exchange. We ask grandparents to take care of our children while we are going out for the evening; they receive no money, just a hug, kiss, and word of gratitude. This is Generativity One social exchange. As a professional coach, we should note that virtually all forms of Generativity One, Two and Three are founded on social rather than market exchange. And some of these generative acts are also founded on a spiritual foundation. We turn now to one of these spiritual acts: consecration.
Consecrating
We borrow the term consecration from the memorable speech delivered by Abraham Lincoln at the Gettysburg battlefield near the end of the American Civil War. Consecration involves setting aside a specific place where an important event occurred, or a place that is related tangibly to an honored person or group.
The first type of consecrated settings that comes to mind are cemeteries and battlefields. In the United States, the National Cemetery in Arlington Virginia is perhaps most noteworthy. Located across the Potomac River from Washington D.C., this cemetery provides a sacred home to men and women who have died defending the United States in both domestic and foreign wars. Arlington was the first cemetery to be established after the Civil War (1868). Those who operate Arlington often describe their job as “keepers of the history.” Over 400,000 men and women are buried at Arlington, and this consecrating act of generativity is complimented each year by a generative ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
We find in some cases a quite challenging attempt to consecrate. The site of buried seamen at Pearl Harbor, who remained entombed forever in their sunken ships, has been consecrated for many years. There was an ongoing effort to find the wreckage of a B-24 airplane lost in the Pacific during World War II. Dedicated men and women came back every year to look for the wreckage. Scuba divers have recently found the men who died in this crash as well as the wreckage of their plane.
In most instances consecration is about the designation of special places that are considered sacred. There is another form of consecration, however, that does not take place in a special place or even at a special time. This is the consecration of the mundane, the everyday. We live in a “sacred world” and have the generative opportunity to celebrate the values and blessings inherent in being alive for another day. In one of his illustrations of Generativity Three (The Matchmaker/Hello Dolly being the other), Thornton Wilder writes about this need to consecrate each day of our life in his play, Our Town. It is often only after death, Wilder suggests, that we truly appreciate the value of being alive and living with the everyday rituals of life.
Some of us set up regular, everyday rituals to reflect on this blessing. We sit out on our deck at sunset to celebrate the day that is passing. We join together at dinner time and share a quiet moment of prayer and thanksgiving for what our nurturing God has provided us. We “count our blessings” before going to bed or float off to sleep recounting the special moments of the day we have just lived. Each of these acts speaks to the spiritual nature of life for many of us. One of us has recently published a series of essays about the value of taking a spiritual orientation into our coaching work (Bergquist, 2023b; Bergquist, 2023c; Bergquist, 2023d).
Even if one’s client is not “religious” or even inclined toward a spiritual perspective, the expansion of professional coaching into the domain of spirituality (as well as personal values and aspirations) can be quite beneficial (Bergquist, 2023e). We can turn, from a more secular perspective, to the work of Martin Seligman and other psychologists who focus on the positive aspects of human life (Seligman, 1991; Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi, 2000). They believe that appreciate acts at the end of the day actually help to improve our physical and mental health. Perhaps Generativity Three (and maybe all forms of generativity) has a positive impact. In our generosity, we might be self-serving! Professional coaches should once again take note.
