Alternatively, we might be honored for leading the organization to its current level of functioning—as when we honor our recent presidents. In each case, we are honored more for our past work than for what we are now doing or potentially could do in the future. If we are accustomed as men and women of action to being praised for what we just did, or can do in the near future, we may find it difficult or even embarrassing to witness and accept the acknowledgment and gratitude of others for what we have accomplished in the past. We may even interpret these ceremonies as condescending efforts to get us out of the way, or as public statements that we are “over the hill.” In our role as coaches to these honored mid-centurions, we can help them take a deep breath and savor the moment of being honored. This means setting aside suspicions and embarrassment or that this moment of “bliss” can be fully enjoyed (often with members of our family being proud witnesses).
This is a timely role for a coach to play as sources of support and guidance. Our clients are best served by setting aside their fears and negative assumptions and accepting the accolades as genuine and well deserved. We are there as their coach to help set aside the psychic debris. Often, we are providing important insights as a coach regarding the ultimate purpose of the honoring. Ceremonies to honor us are meant to move us along to another role. We would be wise to acknowledge this motive in our co-workers as we become grandparents and leave the role of organizational parents. The result is that we are likely to have less direct impact on the organization and more indirect influence—an insightful coach will note when working with their mid-centurion client.
It is time for us to reflect on the lingering impact of past decisions that we made and actions we took in our organization or community. This is appropriate. We are now free to write our memoirs, or at least share our stories with grandchildren and move on in our life. It is now time to shift into new generativity roles. We can now honor other men and women and the heritage of our community (Generativity Three). We can begin serving a broader set of interests and needs by becoming engaged in civic life (Generativity Four). As a thoughtful coach will note, many options and opportunities are available. Our life is only half over, and there are other acts to play on our life stage. Most importantly, there are messages being sent to us from other rooms in our own psyche. Often as interpreted by a professional coach, these messages can help guide us to new forms of generativity.
Voices from Other Rooms
Generativity comes from within us, and it is deep caring that motives us to reach out to others. Sometimes it is an event beyond our control that triggers a new generativity in us. Ultimately, however, the outside event is aligned with something that exists within us, and the new incentives for generativity do not come from very far away. In fact, there are familiar motives with which we are already well acquainted from earlier in our life. A metaphor comes to mind (borrowing from a phrase used by Truman Capote (1994). There are voices to be heard from other rooms.
Voices to Be Heard: In our young adulthood, we made choices about what was important to us, about what was practical, and about what was suitable for a woman or man to do in life. In making these choices, we set aside certain prized activities and dreams. In our exploration of these choices, we turn once again to the insights we have gained over many years from our coaching and consulting clients. One of us recently served as a coach to Samuel. He knew as a young man that it would never be practical for him to continue playing drums in a rock and roll band. Samuel decided, instead, to become an accountant.
Another example: A woman with whom we have worked is a prominent physician. Dr. Jane, as her devoted patients now call her, loved to play basketball as a kid, but gave it up during medical school. A third coaching client, Ricardo, is now in his late Sixties. As a single man, Ricardo loved shopping each Saturday morning at the open market. He looked forward to cooking a feast for his friends on Saturday night. Then Ricardo got married and learned in the mid-1960s that cooking was what women were supposed to do. When Ricardo was a young husband, men were not supposed to like domestic chores, especially in the Hispanic culture from which he came.
