How Frequently the Cheating and Lying
The assessment of frequency might on the surface seem to be easier than is the assessment of size regarding cheating and purposeful lying. It would seem to be straight-forward to determine if the cheating occurred just once or if it has occurred repeatedly. Similarly, we should be able to easily calculate the frequency with which a lie has been told. Furthermore, we can ask: is the purpose limited in scope to one situation or one setting, or does it extend to many situations and many settings?
If the cheating and purposeful lying occurs just once, then we might want to focus on the exceptional circumstances that led to the cheating—as well as spend time reflecting on the purpose that led to and guided the cheating. If the cheating and purposeful lying has occurred frequently, then we might want to focus on the broader systemic dynamics operating in the domestic setting or in the organization. We are likely to discover that the underlying purpose is quite broad in scope. It applies to everything and everyone! Are some settings “toxic” with regard to cheating? Do certain people get “sucked into” the role of cheater? Is everyone cheating and is this the only road to success in this organization or to domestic tranquility in this family?
Once or Frequent: As we get further into the assessment of frequency, we find that it is much more elusive than seems initially to be the case. Is the cheating engaged in a systematic manner or in a cyclical manner. Is the purpose of the lying embedded in some broader context or does the purpose reemerge at a particular time or in a particular place? Does the sexual cheating only occur when he goes to his annual sales conference? Do the sales figures only get altered when the quarterly performance review takes place. Is the cheating “habitual” when done by a wife, husband or teenage son or daughter—or when done by the CEO or Financial VP. Habitual cheating is frequent and often engaged with very little thought being given on the part of the cheater.
Daniel Kahneman (2010) distinguishes between fast thinking and slow thinking. Habitual cheating is engaged through fast thinking. A little stress or an awkward interpersonal relationship triggers an automatic fabrication and/or elusive (or even illegal) behavior. The habitual cheater might not even be aware that they are cheating and will vehemently deny that it is occurring. For them, the purpose is held unconsciously—as a component of the cheater’s “tacit” knowledge (Polanyi, 2009). Habitual cheating is particularly difficult to address–given that the driving purpose is often not readily accessible: “I don’t know why I am lying. It is just something that I do. I can’t help myself!”.
Frequency can also be elusive with regard to its relationship to size. How do a cluster of soft cheats stack up against a few hard cheats? Which is worse? Which is more harmful? Which is easier for a professional coach to address with their client? The frequently occurring soft cheats are often habitual in nature and hard to address. The one-time hard cheat may be much easier to address. In some instances, a cheat is a much bigger thing when it has occurred only once. The one-time big cheat and big lie might relate to a one-time big purpose: “I am doing this to save my marriage!” “I am doing this to save our business!”
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